Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Mrs Womble writes...
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2026, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
