Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Mrs Womble writes...
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
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