Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Mrs Womble writes...
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
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