Brixham's Third Fourth
Most Popular Tourist Attraction*

Do you like trousers? We like trousers. That's why we started the Brixham Trouser Museum, Europe's ONLY dedicated trouser museum (if you don't count the one in Rotterdam).

We've got trousers of all shapes, sizes, colours and flavours - jeans, jodhpurs, bellbottoms, culottes, dungarees, pantaloons and pants.

Come and see our mesmerising animatronic display Trousers Through the Ages. You'll gasp at this high tech, fully mobile exhibit, in which the trousers actually MOVE, just like the real thing!

Or why not slip into a pair of SPACE TROUSERS as part of our interactive Trousers of the Future experience? You can even design your own unique pair of HOLOGRAPHIC TROUSERS, complete with actual working quantum pockets and a nuclear fly.

Impressed? Wait, there's more. Our Trousers of the Stars exhibit allows you to get up close and personal with actual trousers that were worn by historical figures, sporting heroes the stars of stage and screen.

Feel the rock and roll trousers of BRIAN MAY, as worn at Live Aid. Gasp at the impressive fighting trousers of FIELD MARSHAL MONTGOMERY, trousers that served in the North Africa campaign and were an inspiration to the folks back home. You can even inspect the royal trousers of EDWARD VIII - the very ones he abdicated in, although we have been assured that they have since been washed.

So, if you've seen Brixham harbour, you've spent some time on the beach and you've already been to the proper museum, and if you've got half an hour to kill before your bus leaves, then come along to...

The Brixham Trouser Museum

It's pants. No, really.

Pre-book your visit now and you'll also get free entry to Paignton World of Knickers.

*When it's raining

LOST CAT?

WHY NOT?

When it's not scratching the hell out of your furniture or littering your house with the dismembered remnants of the local wildlife, it's shitting in your flowerbeds, so isn't it time you gave serious thought to getting rid of the bleeding thing?

Losing a cat isn't easy; they have an unfortunate habit of finding their way home. This is why you need professionals on the job. This is why you need Moggy Gone.

Here at Moggy Gone we have a dedicated team of transport professionals who can deposit your troublesome tabby in some of the most remote locations on the planet. There is no way that puss will find his way back from the Arctic unaided and a return ticket from the Amazon basin is far beyond the means of even the most fiscally flawless of felines.

If you need further reassurance why not opt for our 'Supervillain' package, where for a modest additional fee we will drop your problem pet into an active volcano or fire it into space. Your cat will enjoy the ride of its life and we guarantee that you'll never have to clean up after the filthy animal ever again.

There's no coming back. Honestly.

Rumpole, Hutz and Petrocelli
22 Affidavit Street
London

Dear Sirs or Madams

I write, inter alia, in connection with the recent dismissal from your company of Mr Glen Twerk, carpe diem. As Mr Twerk's actual proper lawyer - and not just his mate from the darts team who's offered to knock up a vaguely legal-sounding letter for him - I have advised my client that the termination of his contract constitutes, herewith and forthwith, unfair dismissal, in addition to being wrongful dismissal and possibly habeas corpus and a bit of the old droit du seigneur, as well.

I am given to understand, dictum factum, that you assert there has never been any agreement in place that my client should be permitted to work from home. Well, if you will excuse the legal parlance, that is bang out of order, mate. Having reviewed Mr Twerk's contract, in between matches down at the Royal Oak last Saturday evening, I have found, quo vadis, no clause that specifically forbids home working. I am sure, per ardua ad astra, that the repercussions of this omission will be quite plain to you. For the avoidance of doubt I would refer you to the case of Atomic Cleaners Ltd vs Maximillian the Wonder Dog, which clearly establishes a precedent, quod erat demonstrandum and, indeed, in flagrante delicto.

In vino veritas and, ergo, post meridian. Or, in other words, we've got you by the cobblers there, son.

Howsoever and wherefore art thou, notwithstanding the contractual ramifications, my client and I have considered your argument that since Mr Twerk was employed in the capacity of forklift truck operator in your warehouse, working from home was not, and never would be, a viable and practical way of fulfilling his contractual obligations. We are sympathetic, of course, but feel that this is still a rather thin justification for the removal of my client's basic rights.

Our response to this is in two parts. Firstly, and penultimately, we feel that your attitude shows a remarkable deficiency of understanding of modern work practices, vis-à-vis and pro bono, technologies and methodologies that mean that working from home is both economically and environmentally advantageous to all parties.

Secondly, and finally, myself and Mr Twerk have carried out a number of practical assessments, and as a result of these tests we have proved the Mr Twerk is perfectly able to operate his forklift in his front room, with only slight damage to the furniture and minimal complaints from the neighbours.

In conclusion, sine qua non, ex post facto, caveat emptor and spaghetti carbonara, my client and I have significant reason to believe that we've got you done up like a bleeding kipper. What you got to say about that then, mush?

Yours Faithfully

Perry Rumpole, Bsc, Tcp, WD40
Solicitor at Law

Exhibit A