The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
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