Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Mrs Womble writes...
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
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