A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Mrs Womble writes...
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
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