The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Mrs Womble writes...
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
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