The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Mrs Womble writes...
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
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