Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Mrs Womble writes...
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
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