Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Mrs Womble writes...
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
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