Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Mrs Womble writes...
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
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