Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Mrs Womble writes...
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
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