The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Mrs Womble writes...
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
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