Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Mrs Womble writes...
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
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