Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Mrs Womble writes...
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
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