Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Mrs Womble writes...
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
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