Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Mrs Womble writes...
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
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