Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Mrs Womble writes...
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
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