The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Mrs Womble writes...
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
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