Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Mrs Womble writes...
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
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