Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Mrs Womble writes...
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2026, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
