"Quitzel Knarflop!"

flying saucer

Believe it or not, that's "Good Evening" in Martian! You might wonder how NASA intends to communicate with any alien life forms its probes might encounter as they whizz about the universe. You or I might employ a combination of mime, pointing and angry shouting to make ourselves understood, but NASA linguists have no such trouble.

Using data collected from the Hubble Space telescope, along with specially developed computational algorithms and a complex scientific technique called 'guessing', they have mastered over 4000 alien languages. Now you too can learn to speak alien with The Official NASA Galactic Phrasebook!

Become fluent in Venusian!

"Eeky och nochty wah-wah"

(Can you point me in the direction of the municipal swimming baths?)

Brush up your Jovian!

"Paeneeda torkeeda swimbly bimbly boo."

(You have excellent legs for a government official)

Speak Plutonian with confidence!

"Spume pedals"

(Spume pedals)

All this and more for just £25 or 3000 Galactic Credits.

(Only joking - seriously, it's twenty-five quid)

"Splendido grunty sprunt!"

(Your sister has cheesy knees)

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Mars

Mars observed behaving oddly.

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Surrealist Muggings

Man robbed by colour blue.

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Climbing the Orinoco

Man attempts river climb.

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Speed Dating

Dating at 150mph.

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Cable Rot

Experts have identified computer virus that can lie dormant in Ethernet cables.

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Tosser

Hurling pigs off the Empire State Building.

 

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