Optimum Leaning Angles

Hey!  It's not easy to look hip and cool and trendy and windswept, but it is possible.  It's a question of angles.  All you need to do is learn the correct and most nonchalant way to lean, and you can shed that bumbling, gauche exterior once and for all.  Here, let me explain...

 

Fig. 1

Position 1

To help us in our demonstration, meet Bob.  Bob is a senior advertising executive in his early thirties, and although he considers himself pretty cool and trendy, he lacks a certain attitude.  He is pictured here in a perpendicular pose, which, whilst allowing him to be alert and poised for action, makes him seem rather uptight and formal.  Let's suggest that he attempts to appear more casual.

 

 

Fig. 2

Position 2Ah, now here you can see that Bob has made a classic error.  He has, quite rightly, decided to adopt a more insouciant stance.  However, foolishly he has chosen to lean forwards, rather than against the wall behind him.  This is likely to have one of several possible consequences.  This angle brings him perilously close to the road, and if it's been raining he could end up getting splashed by passing traffic, leading to an inevitable loss of face.  Then again, he could end up literally losing his face, if he should overbalance and smash his teeth in on the curb.  Or he could be mistaken for a mime artist 'leaning into the wind'.  Either way, it's going to make him look like a right tit.  Let's get him to try again.

 

 

Fig. 3

Position 3Well, yes, this is an improvement.  We're on the right track, certainly, but we're not out of the woods yet.  When leaning, it is always best to rest against something solid, such as a public building, an automobile or a small horse.  Bob has wisely chosen to lean back against the wall, which offers both support and security.  However, an angle of 45 degrees lacks prestige and stability, and there is every possibility that small children and animals may take pleasure in passing beneath his inclined form.  This will seriously offend Bob's dignity.  It must also be noted that this angle is very difficult to maintain and puts an enormous amount of pressure on the calves and lower back.  Unless Bob has made a special study of how to fall on his backside without looking like a dick, he would perhaps be best advised to avoid this position.  Sorry Bob, try again!

 

 

Fig. 4

Position 4

Oh, come on, now you're just showing off!  Learning how to lean correctly is not as easy as if might at first appear.  It takes much practice and dedication, and you've got to be prepared to learn from your mistakes.  Bob, evidently discouraged by our criticisms, has clearly decided to give up and just piss about instead.  Well, it's not big and it's not clever.  Come on Bob!  You can do it!  Go on, give it one more shot.

 

 

Fig. 5

Position 5

That's it!  Perfect!  At last, Bob has achieved the optimum leaning angle.  The studied slouch, the hunched shoulders, the nonchalant curl of the lip all add up to the perfect picture of disaffected youth.  It's like watching a young Marlon Brando or James Dean.  Oh yes, Bob sure is one cool mother.  There is just one small problem - Bob has decided to lean against the other side of the wall, where no one can see him.  Is all that effort for nothing?  Come on Bob, come on out where we can look at you!

 

 

Fig. 6

Position 6

Hey, now this guy is just toooooo cool.  A rebel without a cause, he's the king of the block.  All the guys want to be him, all the girls want to be with him.  In just a few short lessons, Bob has gone from an awkward, shambling buffoon to a rock and roll rebel.  He's a free spirit, nobody can tame him; no one can tie him down.  Go Bobby, go, go, go!  ...Oops, lunch hour's nearly over.  Better get back to the office, Bob, you've got to get the Tesco's account finished by 4 O'Clock.   Bye!

 

 

Return to Archive 2

The Annual 2017

FREE Download

Or read it online here.

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2015 The UBO Annual 2016 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Dirty Electric

Dodgy current

Promo Image

Cornwall on Loan to USA

Picturesque county goes on tour.

Promo Image

Massive Maracas

Mexican village attempts massive maracas record.

Promo Image

Exploding Dinners

From the good people at Funmeals.

Promo Image

Speed Dating

Dating at 150mph.

Promo Image

Supermarket Kerfuffle

Misaligned caster causes pile up.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

15 October 2017: Rinse Easy

04 September 2017: Fraudulent Bananas

02 September 2017: Orchestra Exchange

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk