After extensive restoration following the recent unfortunate incident with Marvellous Martin, fire-eater extraordinaire, the Lower Bumpstead Community Centre reopens this month and welcomes returning visitors with a varied and thrilling season of events. The programme is as follows:
The Lower Bumpstead Amateur Dramatics Society presents Treasure Island. This innovative production is made possible thanks to local farmer Fergus Pong, whose tractor will be standing in for the Hispaniola. Mr Pong himself takes the role of Long John Silver. As in last year's production, Mrs Frearson's parrot will again take the role of Silver's faithful pet bird, Captain Flint. However, since Mrs Frearson's parrot died earlier this month, its lines this year will be read by Mr Costello from the post office.
The community centre plays host to what promises to be a fascinating talk by survivalist Gyles Fry, who gained notoriety after surviving for three days without food or water at Drayton Manor Theme Park in Staffordshire. Mr Fry will demonstrate techniques for staying alive in the British countryside and his talk will include tips on disarming badgers, snaring Wombles and how to skin a Teletubby.
Spoons, Spoons, Spoons is the title of a lecture by cutlery expert Susan Fender. Mrs Fender, bestselling author of Forks, Forks, Forks and the seminal Knives, Knives, Knives is currently on tour promoting her third book about the humble spoon, which we are reliably informed is about to be turned into a motion picture starring Tom Cruise. Mrs Fender's lecture will include a comprehensive talk on the history of the spoon and an 'interactive media experience'. There will also be a demonstration of over four different types of spoon, which attendees will be invited to touch.
The Lower Bumpstead Amateur Dramatics Society presents Fruity Cutie, the story of one woman's struggle to become Miss World, while at the same time fighting to keep her exotic fruit importing business afloat. It stars Babs McKenzie as Miss Cutey, herself a former Miss Bonsall's Plastic Extrusion Products, 1983. Mr Costello from the post office takes the part of the evil swindler, a role for which many people who have been short-changed by him will no doubt consider he was born. And by popular demand Mr Fergus Pong returns as Long John Silver.
International mime artist 'Plod' brings his show to the community centre. The performer's exciting three hour spectacle takes the audience on a spellbinding adventure in which Plod eats an imaginary sandwich, takes an imaginary shower and fights and imaginary tiger. Please note, normal concessions for the hard of hearing will not apply to this performance.
The local Dyslexic Literary Society presents An Evening of Pottery. Society members deliver dramatic pottery readings and the audience is invited to vote for its all-time favourite pots.
For their final offering of the month, the Lower Bumpstead Amateur Dramatics Society give us their award-winning adaptation of Kind Hearts and Coronets, the story of suave serial killer Louis Mazzini and his quest to get his hands on the family fortune. It stars Ronald Dangler as Mazzini, himself a former serial killer. Babs McKenzie gives a riveting portrayal as Sibella and Mr Costello from the post office is simply dazzling as he brings to life eight different members of the D'Ascoyne family. Rounding off a stellar cast is Mr Fergus Pong who delivers perhaps the greatest performance of his career as the deceitful and scheming Long John Silver.
Concluding the month's offerings is a return to the venue of Marvellous Martin and his mesmerising fire-eating act. The audience is promised thrills aplenty as Marvellous Martin performs feats of almost superhuman skill, although this time spectators will be reassured to know that the fire brigade will be on hand.
New earwax deposits found.
...dressing tables are from Venus.
Training sandwiches for fun and profit
A spotters guide.
Under new proposals, police officers will be equipped with X-ray vision.
For the first time ever twitchers can enjoy high definition birds in 12 billion colours
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