No More Glasses!
Perfect eyesight at last, thanks to
the miracle of modern laser eye surgery
Meet Kenton Cartwright. Since he was fourteen, Kenton has had to wear spectacles. They're heavy, unwieldy and they have stunted his growth. But now Kenton is finally free of the shackles of cumbersome eyewear thanks to the miracle of modern laser eye surgery. And Kenton is delighted.
"I'm delighted," Kenton told us. "Thanks to modern laser eye surgery I no longer have to suffer the discomfort and inconvenience of spectacles. And, as an added benefit, I am now able to shoot powerful high-energy laser beams from my eyes."
That's right, thanks to modern laser eye surgery, Kenton now not only enjoys 20/20 vision, but he can also fry sausages from a distance of six metres and boil eggs with a single wink. So, if you're fed up with annoying glasses and irritating contact lenses - and you're quite interested in having the ability to burn through six inch thick reinforced steel with just a glance - then give us a call today.
Occuloid LaserProbe International
112-110 Tortilla Mews
Monterrey
Mexico
(Alternatively, messages can be left with Mrs Toledo in the pastry shop next door)
Return to Archive 3
The University of the
Bleeding Obvious:
Volume 1
The first collection of material from The University of the Bleeding Obvious, includes bouncing sheep, Nuclear Gardening and much more.
The University of the
Bleeding Obvious:
Volume 2
The second volume of material - contains Oven Chimps, Invitation to a Monks' Tea Party, Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery and more.
Dead Peasants
Fifteen new articles, published 2012, including Jacob Wanting, Baron Havok Regrets and Chip Papers, Doggy Doings and Sick.
Kicking and Screaming
Includes Exploding Dogs, Pigmongering, Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe and Empire of the Flowers.
The Bongo Lectures
Dr Adolphous Bongo presents his twisted views on the subjects of Moles, Farm Machinery, Shopping and more.
Death Doom & Disaster
When Geoff Dickson left work one foggy evening he didn't expect to wind up being chased across an alien landscape by giant snails.
Goldilocks and
Free Bears
An epic struggle for justice, featuring, amongst other things, the Loch Ness Monster and a potato with gunshot wounds.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
Adventures in vegetable avionics (external link)
Bristletech
Quality Beards for the modern gent
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look hip and cool and trendy and windswept
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