Do you need a clown? Fast? Then you need...

Happysmiles

Emergency Clown Service

We all know what it's like when the clown you've booked for that children's birthday party or office leaving do fails to arrive, turns up drunk or explodes on contact with Coca Cola. And I'm sure we've all heard the same excuses before - confetti shortages, misfiring water pistols or punctured lung.

Well now you need worry no longer. Our dedicated team of executive clowns are available twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and are committed to providing the very best in modern high-performance clowning.

Happysmiles! clowns are all fully trained to the latest international standards in balloon handling, trick cycling and comedy magic. And what's more, our custard pies have been given the personal seal of approval by six of the world's top chefs for their flavour, consistency and aerodynamic properties.

pie

But of course, when you hire a clown you want much more than just accurate pie tossing, expansive trousers and a complete range of humorous sound effects.  You want peace of mind, as well.  That's why all our clowns are regularly valeted and checked for cracks and tears to ensure they are fully compliant with current legislation.

And following the tragic case recently highlighted in the press, you will be reassured to learn that our revolving bow ties now undergo daily safety inspections.

So if your regular clown service has let you down, and you desperately need a replacement to liven up your party, goof around in front of your little ones, or chair your next annual general meeting, get in touch with us here at...

Happysmiles

Where a smile costs nothing*

*Subject to Availability

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The University of the Bleeding Obvious's Private Bits

Private Bits

72 pages of previously unseen material including Formula 1 Shopping Trolley Racing, Knee Operations for Fruit Flies, Quantum Farming, a visit to The Book Crevice, Gary the Builder, and The Affair of the Flat Vicar, a brand new adventure for the eminent Belgian dick, Anton La Cranque.

All this and more will only be available in this volume as a PDF and is yours for a measly £1 - yes £1 (or whatever the equivalent is in your fancy foreign money). To download it now, click here.

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Private Bits

Private Bits

This 70-page PDF is packed full of silly stuff you won't find anywhere else.

Download here for just £1.

The UBO Annual 2021

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2021

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The UBO Annual 2020

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The UBO Annual 2018

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The UBO Annual 2017

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UBO Vol 1

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UBO Vol 2

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Have you seen any of these stolen roads?
'Trifling, inconsequential whinges'
Mr Chokice notes the main entrance is only protected by a turnstile.
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