What Is It?

BEETROOT! Excuse me.

The scientific community has been rocked to its foundations recently by the startling claims of Professor Norman Sadowitz of the Colorado State University who - after many years of painstaking research and careful experimentation - has concluded that 'Things Ain't What They Used To Be'. Already scientists the world over are in a state of excitement as they hotly debate the consequences of this astounding new theory.

"This discovery opens up a whole new branch of science," says Doctor Heinrich Crabs of Hoffenwoffer University in Germany. "There are several areas which we will need to look into further: what exactly are these 'things'? What did they used to be like? What's the capital of China?* Only once we have satisfactorily answered these questions can we consider the possible reasons for them not being what they used to be."

Not everyone, however, has embraced Sadowitz's theory so readily. Lawrence Wankal, spokesman for the National Institute of Turkey Fanciers, has said that Sadowitz's methods are open to misinterpretation, his research is flawed, and his theory is ridiculous. Furthermore, Wankal claims that Sadowitz sleeps with animals and wears rubber underwear.

Sadowitz's response to this criticism has taken the form of a letter which appeared in this week's Sunday Times. In this letter Sadowitz states that he knows his theory is absolutely true, because the pixies told him. He also comments that his personal life is no business of anyone else, and that he wears rubber underwear only to protect him against spontaneous lightning strikes.

Meanwhile, we have discovered that the National Institute of Turkey Fanciers doesn't actually exist, and that Lawrence Wankal is a figment of his own imagination.

As if all this hasn't muddied the waters enough, further upsets are likely next week when a man in Blackpool is expected to announce that 'That's Just The Way It Is'.

* early indications are that the capital of China is Beijing

Where Is It?

Throughout history, man has striven to find out where it is. In Ancient Egypt it was believed to be behind the sun. If ever the sun fell out of the sky, so the legend went, it would be on full display and doom would rain down upon the land. The Greeks, on the other hand, thought that it was buried deep in the heart of Mount Olympus, and that on dark winter evenings it could be heard warbling a strange wobbly song. These days, of course, it is much smaller, and we are more inclined to believe that it has simply rolled under the sideboard, or slipped behind the cushions on the sofa.


Return to Archive 1

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Exploding Dinners

From the good people at Funmeals.

Promo Image

Ice Lolly Skating

All-weather skating.

Promo Image

Bareknuckle Snooker

One of the biggest threats to law and order since badminton

Promo Image

Fengami

The art of folding furniture

Promo Image

Subterranean Elephants

Underground pachyderms

Promo Image

Mind Your Wind

The enemy is listening for your flatulence. Watch your emissions.

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

02 December 2018: The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious