A Sustained Corporate Battering

 

Concerns are growing for Christian Pyle, Senior Business Partner at Frisbee Digitally Tracked Logistical Interface Solutions, following a series of social media posts which indicate that he has dangerously low expectations in life. Over the past few weeks he has tweeted that he was 'looking forward' to a meeting on business continuity, 'excited' by a new office layout and 'thrilled' to be taking part in a financial strategy exercise.

"We've been worried about Christian for some time now," his wife told us as she choked back the tears. "He used to treat all this mundane bullshit with the contempt it deserved, but since he's been working at this new place he's changed. I don't know how, but they've got to him."

Much to the relief of his family and friends, Mr Pyle has now agreed to see a specialist and hopes are rising that his self-esteem can be restored to its previous levels. And Mr Pyle has welcomed the idea, if a recent post is anything to go by in which he writes that he is 'thrilled' and 'excited' to be embarking on this 'fantastic new life-actualisation opportunity.'


We invited business psychologist Dianne Headshrieker to give her verdict on some of the posts that Christian has recently uploaded...

 

social media post

"Initially it appears that this individual is being sarcastic. Certainly that's what most normal people would think, but the key to interpreting the real meaning behind this is recognising that this person is not normal. This is a man who has taken a severe, sustained corporate battering; someone who has had the joy systematically knocked out of him to the point where the prospect of a day spent talking about stationery is genuinely the highlight of his week. The author of this message has been reduced to a near-vegetative state in which he will begin to salivate at the mere mention of a hole punch, and where the prospect of a discussion about envelopes is enough to send him into paroxysms of ecstasy."

 

social media post

"Quite why so many people post pictures of noticeboards is something that is still not fully understood. In this case the hashtag might indicate some principal that the author is wishing to illustrate. However, it's more likely that this individual is desperate to be 'included', to be part of 'the team', and in order to achieve this they have chosen to sycophantically heap praise on something which is uninspiring and commonplace, without considering whether such adulation is warranted. They have also failed to consider the possibility of there being a right way and a wrong way to spell the word 'noticeboard'."

 

social media post

"Three exclamation marks - I feel we are getting close to the point of breakdown. The company's original post is a bland and soulless aphorism which, even if it were used in some sort of context, would never approach any recognisable measure of sincerity. Nevertheless, this individual not only believes it but appears to have interpreted it personally. He is the staff member who is valued, he is the person that his masters wish to ensure is happy. The implication that this is only in order to make him more productive is not acknowledged. The line between sycophancy and gullibility is a fine one, and in this example it seems to have been crossed, I fear irrevocably so."

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Return to Archive 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious's Private Bits

Private Bits

72 pages of previously unseen material including Formula 1 Shopping Trolley Racing, Knee Operations for Fruit Flies, Quantum Farming, a visit to The Book Crevice, Gary the Builder, and The Affair of the Flat Vicar, a brand new adventure for the eminent Belgian dick, Anton La Cranque.

All this and more will only be available in this volume as a PDF and is yours for a measly £1 - yes £1 (or whatever the equivalent is in your fancy foreign money). To download it now, click here.

Click here to close this box

Private Bits

Private Bits

This 70-page PDF is packed full of silly stuff you won't find anywhere else.

Download here for just £1.

The UBO Annual 2021

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2021

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2020

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2020

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2018

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The UBO Annual 2017

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 1

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 1

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

UBO Vol 2

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Vol 2

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Secondhand space travel
Airfix wins major defence contract.
Documents show government considered sale of damp asset
Most commercially available printers have an inbuilt fear of paper.
New Discovery Casts Light on Prophet's Death.
Two Bongs from a Gong and Three quick ding-dongs in the night
Tales from the Enchanted Forest
British spaceman missing.
The Royal State Stair Lift
Hurling pigs off the Empire State Building.

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

13 January 2021: Welcome to Little Mungford

23 December 2020: Very Disappointing. Avoid.

22 December 2020: The Yeovil Centre for Sharp Practice