Old Bill Productions presents
An evening of musical miscellany, fantastical feats and various sundry entertainments
Fresh from their recent tour of the Indian sub-continent, the celebrated boys in blue from the Metropolitan Police Choir perform a selection of music hall favourites, including You're Nicked Mate, Constable Cockburns' Truncheon, and Don't Let a Kicking Get You Down, Mrs Brown.
Sergeant Geoffrey Andrews is handcuffed, gagged and then tied up in a sack before the lads from 'C' division fall on him and give him a good kicking. Can he escape before he blacks out? Dare you watch!
WPC Doris Fowler from Acton performs the Dance of the Seven Veils - and at 18 stone, Doris can guarantee you get plenty of veil for your money. If unavailable, her part will be taken by Chief Inspector Kevin Dreyfuss of the West Midlands Serious Crime Squad.
Constable Darren Sneddhurst and his magic helmet - rub it and make a wish.
Detectives Harper and Thornbury from the Flying Squad lay into various suspicious looking members of the audience with wild abandon, in their popular and fascinating display of self defence. Is it really possible to break someone's upper arm with a cricket bat, and not leave a mark? Why yes, and how! They will also be demonstrating the correct way to fall down stairs.
Superintendent Ricky Mitchell treats us to some classic point duty hand signals, including 'Traffic Approaching from the Front', 'Traffic Approaching from both Front and Behind' and 'Little Bunny Rabbit Hopping Through a Field'. He may also be persuaded to perform 'Last Turkey in the Shop at Christmas' for an encore, as long as there are no ladies present.
Throughout the performance, Constable Anthony Rickman will be moving throughout the auditorium, nicking various members of the public for possession. Meanwhile, Assistant Chief Constable Taylor will be in the lobby, making balloon animals for the children out of old breathalysers.
Saturday 14th June
at the Bolton and District Veteran Pit Ponies' Hall
Matinee: 2.30pm Evening: 7.45pm