Sci-Fi Fan Draws a Blank

 

book

Martin J Smith is a huge fan of the cult sci-fi show Space Things and is justly proud of his collection of memorabilia. He has Space Things mugs, Space Things action figures, Space Things comics and even a life-size model of Astro Cat, the super-intelligent feline science officer from the show. But the jewels of his collection are his mint-condition first edition tie-in novelizations. He has every one ever published, each sealed in plastic to protect it from the elements and untouched by human hand. He has certainly never read any of them, as to do so would run the risk of marking the pages or damaging the spines.

So it came as a bit of a shock to him when a friend inadvertently unwrapped one of his prize volumes and found that the pages were all blank. "I was horrified," Martin told us. "I immediately opened two of the other books - not an easy thing for me to do - and I found that they were exactly the same."

Nobody actually reads these books

We got in touch with the publishers and asked for a comment. Their spokesman told us that the company had consciously taken the decision to leave the pages blank when they first launched the range. "Fans collect these books because they love the show," their representative said. "They need to own everything connected with it. Nobody actually reads these books - of course they don't. I mean, we're talking about grown adults collecting badly written novelizations of a kid's TV programme that they can watch any time they like. What kind of nutjob would dream of ever cracking one of these babies open? Naturally we don't go to the trouble of actually printing them."

Martin is not satisfied with this explanation and plans to take his complaint to 'the European Court of Human Rights, or something.' However, at the moment his is still reeling from the discovery he made when he opened up his officially-licensed scale model Space Things Star Cruiser and found out that it was just a box full of scrunched up newspapers.

open book

The beginning of Chapter 3 of 'Barbecue of the Whippydips' in which Lieutenant Oovalof challenges Lord Pollox of the Seven Spaceways to three-armed combat in order to secure the release of Astro Cat, who has been brain swapped with the Holy Turnip of the Fourth Dimension.

 

Return to Archive 2

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2020 The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Promo Image

Aural Readjustment

Get those wonky flappers fixed

Promo Image

What Do Your Keys Say About You?

Madame Fifi LaTour reveals all

Promo Image

Quality Service at Pooley's

A full range of snacks...

Promo Image

Teaching Carrots to Fly

Adventures in vegetable avionics (external link)

Promo Image

What is your tailbone for?

It's to stop your spine falling out.

Promo Image

Mail Order Tattoos

Over 600 designs available by post

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

06 July 2020: Introducing the Spellchecker Pen

02 June 2020: Refuse and Recycling Guide

06 May 2020: Stupid Stories