Archive 1

Padslow

Doctor Mike Padslow, a surgeon working at the Manchester University Hospital, has developed a revolutionary new technique for treating chronically ill children. He saws their heads off.

"It's a procedure which has a wide variety of applications," Dr. Padslow explains. "We are currently using it to treat everything from brain tumours and spinal injuries to whooping cough, asthma and indigestion."

Where this technique scores over other methods is in its simplicity. Previous treatments have used expensive drugs, specialised equipment and have involved long stays in hospital. The new method requires only a Black and Decker Workmate and a really good hacksaw, and the operation can be carried out perfectly safely in the comfort of the patient's own garden shed. Already, Dr. Padslow claims he has successfully sawed the heads off some five hundred children between the ages of 5 and 14, and he has plans to adapt the technique for adult patients by using a bigger saw. There has, however, been much concern in some quarters.

"Yes, it's certainly controversial," Dr. Padslow admits. "It's true to say that it is extremely painful, incredibly dangerous and desperately immoral. To be perfectly honest there is a very high risk of mortality ... But on the other hand it really is tremendous fun."