An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Mrs Womble writes...
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
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