Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Mrs Womble writes...
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
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