Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier ttouser experience.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Mrs Womble writes...
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
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