The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Mrs Womble writes...
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
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