Professor Ricky Stratocaster presents
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Scandal has hit the tiny village of Chelford in Cheshire after a local woman, Mrs. Edna Slut, claimed that she was being bugged by MI5.
"I know for a fact that there are listening devices in my home," Mrs. Slut told us. "I don't know exactly where they are, but I have noticed that the cat's been walking funny for the last few days."
Mrs. Slut is a well known and highly influential figure in the area. By day she electrocutes cattle at the local abattoir, by night she socialises at the bingo hall. But why is she so certain that someone is bugging her?
"They're trying to topple me from my position of power as President of the Chelford Pottery and Needlecraft society," she says. "Either that, or they're after my recipe for Dundee cake."
The truth of this matter may actually be far stranger. An anonymous caller has, on several occasions, contacted a local newspaper in nearby Macclesfield and claimed that he has proof that Mrs. Slut is not being bugged by MI5 at all, but by MFI, the nation-wide chain of furniture stores.
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