Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Mrs Womble writes...
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
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