Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Mrs Womble writes...
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
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