Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Mrs Womble writes...
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
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