Butterfly
Prof Jim Spanners explains chaos theory
Rob Hammond's Essential Guide to Buddhism
Rob Hammond will give you a spiritual kicking,
Dolby Noise Reduction Sausages
Cut out the hiss next breakfast time.
Donald Fact's Fact Breakers
Remembering the classic '70s kids' show.
Rod Stewart and Enya's Rock 'n' Roll Mysteries
Solving crimes and fighting bad guys.
Award for Outstanding Celebrity
New awards for old has-beens
Fleegle
New number has consequences for the future of the universe. And bingo.
So You've Got a New Manager?
How to stop it crapping in your in tray.
Man Blames ESA for Domestic Eclipse
Mr Cravat is not happy about where they park their stuff.
Pretty Pictures
Better management through crayons.
Barney's Magic Wonder Show
Belinda Sommers reviews the latest production.
Short and Curly
Unlocking the power of curly hair.
Munchy Burger
Can you cut the mustard as a top burger executive?
Extreme Dinosaurs
Skateboarding plesiosaurs, rollerblading raptors and a brontosaurus with a space hopper.
The Wackiest Person in the UK
Alison Perkins is a mad as a fish.
The Long Range Trouser Forecast
Overnight corduroys and occasional dungarees.
Words of wisdom from our resident medic
...Tigers ...Moles ...Farm Machinery ...Hypnotism ...Fruit ...Soap ...Implants ...Pianos ...Happy Clappers ...The Environment
Inside the Nun Factory
Where do nuns come from?
Exploding Dinners
Put the fun back into dinner time.
Persons Unknown
Mr Frampton is looking for somoeone to blame.
Machiavelli Management Solutions
Discipline over distance.
Typists of the Kalahari
Shorthand tigers and double entry hippos.
Kicking Up a New Stink
Breakthrough leads to discovery of new smell.
One-Sided Dice
One-Sided Dice for Fatalists.
Poot
Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!
Scrufty's Magic Juju Shoppe
A tale of oconker mismanagement.
Introducing Flying Squirrels
Flying into the side of a house at forty knots...
The Aromatron
A whole new world of smells awaits you.
Comfy Dinners
A meal fit for a bed.
Sounds of Nature
Relax with chickens.
Digital Vicars
The secret ways that vicars communicate?
Metal Detecting
German U-Boat Found on Devon Beach.
Maxi-Lingual for Motorists
Curse fluently in over six languages.
Have you got what it takes to stay in the country?
Be a great Briton. Or get out.
Doing the Lord's Work
Vicars on the job.
An Old Fart Remembers
Do you remember Puthering Day?
Maisy Donnington's Office Safety
How to avoid the business end of a stapler.
Drive-by Wallpapering
Delinquent decorating.
Astralguard
Insurance for Astral Travellers.
The Square Root of Green
Fresh breakthrough in the science of colourology.
Product Recall
Some of our biscuits may contain canoes.
Operation Mutton
The millitary applications of sheep during WWII.
Mind Your Wind
Issued by the Ministry of Gas, 1942.
World of the Wacky
With the Amazing Mr Ooluv
Fraudulent Bananas
Phony fruit.
Nobby Wentworth's Pet Surgery
Save cash - fix your own pets in the comfort of your own home.
Songs of Inspiration
Jesus Wants Me For His Darts Team.
Donald Fact's Fact Blast
It's a Fact, brought to you by Crunchy Flakes.
Diagnosis
Professor Wimple has a dirty mouth.
Spread the Good Word!
Your chance to buy shares in the Salvation Army!
An Open Letter to Shepton Bassett Park & Zoo
Sorry about your monkeys.
The Discovery of Vitamin G
Great moments in science.
We're No Longer Recruiting...
...but here are some of the unlucky applicants
A Sustained Corporate Battering
We're concerned about Mr Pyle
Announcing the iSpong
Totally changing the way that people spong in the future.
It's a Fact!
More facts from the Funky Fact Feller.
In the market for a used policeman?
How to spot a dodgy copper.
10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs
Frogtastic Facts
Jars-4-u
Get your jars opened by a professional jar opener!
Fatquake
A sad farewell to the world's fatest man.
The Sandwich Advisor
Buying a sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do.
Pigmongering
Fergus Pong introduces us to this dying art.
Cock
The magazine for young gentlemen.
The Battersea Wigs Home
We never put a healthy wig down.
It's All in the Game
Classic board games from the past.
Pooley's Fire Distinguisher
Put paid to that firey bullshit.
St Tiddles in the Font
Parish newsletter.
The Horse-Drawn Record Player
Equestrian technology.
Jazz Bomb
Raw unadulterated jazz.
The Fish Olympics
Piscine polevaulting and haddock hurdles.
The Ultimate Procrastination Suite
Just been handed a project but can't be bothered to get started?
Caught by the Fuzz
New Recruitment Initiatives within the UK Police Force.
Petty Complaints Ombudsman
Giving your batshit insade complaints the respect they deserve.
Doing Lengths
Mr Zing is swimming from pole to pole
Welcome to Stick World
If you like sticks, well, we've got sticks.
Night of the Womble
Unpublished Womble book is dystopian nightmare.
Core Competencies in Office Furniture
Sign up for a certificate in filing cabinets.
Galactic Phrasebook
Learn to speak Venusian!
What's On in Lower Bumpstead
A packed programme, following that unfortunate incident with the fire eater.
The Great Space Exhibition
Glorious innovations and technical marvels!
The Embarrasment of Nasal Hair Loss
Nostril wigs for all occasions
Glen Twerk is not at Work
Caveat emptor, quo vadis.
Cake Rage
Pastry related assaults.
Motorcycle Display Teams
A bunch of blokes twatting about on bikes.
Bristletech Industries
Do you need to grow a beard? Fast?
Neighbor Nightmares: The Movie
Two men, one drive, no prisoners.
Shark Fishing
Fergus Pong has a shark problem.
Why Your Printer Doesn't Work
Most of these devices are allergic to paper.
Art
Selwyn Peach paints Elephants
Tony Fold's Country Rambles
with guest rambler, Rory Triffic.
Shave the Moon
Our hairy satellite.
Brick II
Recycling the rubble.
Jaggedy
Mrs Lubricant wants a tidiery Britain.
Bad Grandma Grammar
The inappropriate erection of words.
Squeak Off
The big noise in footwear technology.
National Consumer Instructions Awards
Confusing, badly translated or just plain weird.
The Kidderminster Lemon Exchange
Open now for faster, more reliable lemon exchange.
Slugbond
Because an inflated slug is a happy slug.
The Montreux Clinic For Aural Readjustment
Get your wonky flappers straightened here
Things Fall Over All the Time
Arthur's train only has wheels on one side.
Noblock and Kerfanderbuck
All smileytangled cockrock strop.
What Is It?
How what why when who where and when? Hello?
Not Funny
Prof Jez Moonbeam is laughable.
No More Glasses!
Fry sausages with just a wink of the eye.
The Bleeding Obvious
You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
SciFi Fan Draws a Blank
Publisher leaves pages blank to cut costs.
'Ello 'Ello 'Ello, What's All This Then?
Presenting The Metropolitan Police Choir.
How To Be Sweary
with Professor Timothy Bottom.
The Trivial Accident Group
Have you been slightly inconvenienced at work?
Echo...Echo
Mr Clutterbuck has an echo... echo... echo.
Mr & Mrs Pottle are Lost Again
Why can't these people just stay at home?
New Rights for Fictional Characters
It's no longer ok to call Oliver Twist a twat.
Cosmos Rocks
In an infinite universe, there is no limit to human gullibility.
Scoop!
Local frog trapped in drain.
Harry Carson is Watching You
It's a man's life as a modern store detective.
Punctuation Crisis
We're running out of apostrophes.
Sugar Free Vegan Diesel
There's no butter in it either.
Jehovah's Cleaners
Because cleanliness is nexr to godliness.
Gerald de Scooter's Restaurant Guide
Top notch swanky grub,
Help a Pirate in Need
These buccaneers desperately need your support.
Pigchums
Meet likeminded pigs in your area!
Well Stuffed
Rogue taxidermist terrorises family pets.
Fats Porker - Blues Whinger
In memory of Crappsville's finest son.
Teaching Carrots to Fly
The cutting edge of vegetable warfare.
Top Twenty Albums of the '70s
With Ricky Stratocaster, professor of twangology.
Some People You've Never Heard Of
Rancid Alan Grease and others.
Traffic Watch
Heavy vibes are causing delays on the A52.
Yeti Makeover
Mrs Stenchtrouser is planning an expedition.
Happismiles Emergency Clown Service
For when your regular clown lets you down.
Ricky Stratocaster's History of Rock
Dobbins of Doncaster
Get yourself a quality ass.
Lillywhite Lenny
On the importance of staying on the fecking horse.
No Offence
The Right Honourable David McGog unapologetically apologises.
Bean Legacy
This summer, Christian Bale is Mr Bean.
Dilbert's Donkey Solutions
Professional donkey storage.
International Arse Kicking
Bottom kicking for fun and profit.
The Beaufort Scale
Slight wafts and uninvited pumps.
Here Comes Barry Smith
Wise words from Shepton Bassett's number one coach driver.
Spooky Doings
The magazine of weird and improbable stuff.
The Drivelling
Troubled Hammer film gets new release.
Arty Tomatoes
Guy Pakker's latest artistic venture.
An Important Announcement about Fish
Clever trout and erudite pilcards.
Mrs Womble writes...
Flexi Mortem
The only credit card you can use after death.
Mr Bannerman's Evidence
Courtroom confusion.
Shepton Bassett - A Vision for the Future
Better late than never, our town plan.
Tax, What Tax?
Sir John Wyndrell has never heard of his own company.
Wisbech
Theft of town exposed as hoax.
Travel News
Cowboys on the line and bricked up tunnels,
Christopher Columbus Discoveries Inc
If you've lost it, Chris will find it.
Dream Strides
Emergency trousers delivered direct to your anxiety nightmare.
Tripping the Dark Fantastic
Hello darkness my old friend
Cheese Genome Finally Cracked!
Scientific proof of the existence of cheese.
Fine Dining
with Woodroffe Spanker
Rationalising Britain's River Network
Britain's waterways need straightening,
Global Moistening
Fear of a wet planet.
Bing Crosby Boxing
Punching singers in the mouth.
New Deposits of Earwax Discovered
Significant quantities discovered in Mr Harry Frome
Anti-Assertiveness Classes
Tone it down a bit.
Ralph Trundle: F1 Driver
We talk to a legend of the circuit
Auras by Post?
Spruce up your chakras
Staff Handbook
A handy guide to your new workplace.
The Thoroughfare of Success
Dick Smidgen teaches you how to live your life but better.
Some more stupid than others.
Barry Buys a Broom
Dirty Doings at Featherstone Manor
Board Meeting
The Day Before Tomnorrow
Tall Story in a Short Glass
The Hedgehog King
The Mystery of the Shitfaced Man
Venus by Catapult
You Again
Death, Doom and Disaster
Goldilocks and the Free Bears
Crystal N.R.G.
Harnessing the mystical bollocks of the universe.
Cooker Island
Where the toasters roam free.
Out and About
The International Toast Museum and other attractions.
Puzzle Page!
With the amazing Mr Ooluv.
Ant Facts
with Donald Fact.
Brixham Trouser Museum
The UK 's premier trouser experience.
Nuclear Garden
Mr Sideboard is not happy about his exploding shed.
Bare-knuckle Snooker
The biggest threat to law and order since badminton
Did Man Really Go To Belgium?
The dark truth behind the Belgian conspiracy
Linguini!
Learn to speak fluent pasta.
The Alternative Olympics
Speed swingball and dodgem rallying.
Food Banking
MPs praise growing industry.
Grampion Strangely's Mountain Rescue
These vulnderable mountains need your help.
Mr Gammon's Objections
Shepton Bassett Council Responds
Gentlemen's Etiquette
How to behave right proper and all that.
Empire of the Flowers
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Operation Growbag.
World of Holes
Europe's leading stockist of quality holes.
The Language of Dance
Jazz hands and quickstep.
Your Staff Feedback, Your Way
Tired of hearing from ungrateful and misguided staff?
Cut Price Chips
You like chips? You like lots of chips?
Oven Chimps
With none of the greasy aftertaste of regular monkeys.
Petunia Mulch
Plant psychologist.
Gin!
Gin, gin and more gin!
The Delusion of J Henry Proudfoot
We meet an alien archaeologist.
How to Look After Your Cement Mixer
A great addition to any home.
Old Clothes
Trading Standards warn against dangerously out of date clobber.
The National Key Museum!
We've got keys!
Veg-U-Like
Tomatoes, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and peas - collect the whole set.
The Prime Time Gameshow Generator
As used by TV executives worldwide.
Evening Courses
Pseudo-academic subjects and frivolous arts and crafts courses.
Space Things
The continuing adventures of Astro Cat.
The Devil's Arse On Tour
Famous cavern to tour country
How Long is a Piece of String?
The hit gameshow for all the family.
British Gas
Sending foreign gas back home.
Barry the Road Safety Owl
No nonsense advice from a wise old bird
Feathered Friends
Could you befriend a lonely parrot?
For Kids of All Ages...
Introducing our new range of children's books.
Stuff Your Bleeding Job
How to resign digracefully.
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg
A bouncy little freak.
Emergency Kebabs
When you absolutely positively need a kebab.
Twenty-First Century Scouting
A woggle for the new miilenium.
Forward to the '80s
How we'll all be travelling in the '80s.
The World Bullshit Record
Team bonding, goal setting and table top brainstorming
Cash for Pets
Trade in your unwanted dog.
Dark Batter
Is the missing mass in the Universe actually pastry?
A Ding-Dong Duvets
Prof Reynaud pulls a fast one.
Carter-Pierrepoint
Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes.
Criminal Offence Self-Assessment Form
Tick the box if you're a wrong 'un.
So Special
Special beauty therapies for very special people.
Buttock Express
Your arse in our hands.
Blood Donors Needed
Please bleed into the envelope provided.
Marmaduke Irksome: A Retrospective
Talking crap in the House of Commons.
Cosmic Background Apathy
Will the universe keep expanding until it can't be bothered anymore?
Eazee-post
Taking the pain out of internet forums.
A Career in Printing
Why not specialise in the colour green?
The Unusual Suspects
A message from Det. Insp. Barker Harris.
A Fistful of Sausages
Brought to you by the meat marketing board.
Octo-Fever
Are you allergic to octopuses?
Skydiving
Skydiving without the unnecessary inconvenience of a parachute.
Debt Matters
Making you aware of your debt.
It's a Fact
Fun facts from the Fact Master. Fank you.
Are you ready for Digital Ornithology?
Analogue birds are about to be switched off.
Centuri Space Supplies
Second hand space travel
Something Happened on Tuesday
Probably, but we're not sure what.
Thinking of Buying an Octopus?
How to look after your squishy friend.
Wind Tunnel Technician
Pardon?
Moroccan Dancing Moles
David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.
Quality Service at Pooley's
With our motoring correspondent, Martin Carburetor.
Knitting in Colour
This day in 1956 saw the introduction of the first regular colour knitting patterns.
History in Focus
An elbow shaker and a lickspittling mumblecrust
Dougal Fridgely
Possible dwarf planet discovered in Tadcaster
Amateur Stamp Collector Collector
Want to know how much to pay for a Nigel Tomlinson?
Professional Scarer
GRRRRRR! AAAAARRRRGH! GRRRR!
Topping Talent
Featuring the Marvellous Undersea Kingdom of Colin Chocolate.
Selling Crap for Fun and Profit
The very best in useless tat.
Baby's First Swear
Teach your little angel to swear like a trooper.
Is Your Tortoise Roadworthy?
Important news from the Ministry of Tortoises.
Buy Our Shampoo
Just buy it, ok.
The Shepton Bassett Village Fete
In aid of the St Tiddles in the Font Restoration Fund.
Hear and Now
For collectors of rare and unusual sounds.
A Very Local Paper
All the news that's local to Mr Henry Droop, Littlehampton.
Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page
Your guide to the wonderful world of cheese.
The Wonderful World of Ants
Ants, ants, ants, ants!
Cold Fusion Sandwiches
A new era in atomic lunches.
Optimum Leaning Angles
How to look cool and interesting at an angle.
Piffin: A Mediterranean Paradise
Boasting Europe's biggest landfill.
Whose Legs Are These?
The gameshow for all the family
Sofas are From Mars...
The race to put the first sofa on Mars.
Historic Knees
Knees of outstanding natural beauty.
Death By Pastry
A huge pie just hanging in space.
Maisy Donnington's Guide to Perking Yourself Up
Turn that frown upside down.
Greygolds Residential Care Home
Where quality care costs extra.
Local Heroes
Outstanding achievements in the field of vandalism.
Know Your Birds
Major General Barmy-Phipps Discusses Modern Day Bird Warfare
All material Copyright © Paul Farnsworth 2000-2025, and may not be reproduced without the express permission of the author. All characters, companies and organisations are fictitious, and any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. || Picture Credits: P.Farnsworth/morguefile.com/craiyon.com. || Privacy Notice: this site does not collect, store or otherwise process your personal data. Sorry, but I'm not the slightest bit interested in you.
