The Royal Navy are sending their latest nuclear submarine, HMS Genocide, back to the shipyard in Humberside where it was built.

"I bought it for my cousin's birthday," said Rear Admiral Sir John Hoary-Nutter, "but he's got one already, so I want to get my money back."

The shipyard, however, is refusing to issue a refund, because the submarine is not being returned in its original packaging. They're offering to compromise by exchanging it for a couple of frigates, but the Navy claims this is unacceptable.

"We know our rights," said the Rear Admiral. "We've got twenty-eight days to return it, that's the law. My Lieutenant once had a Saturday job at WH Smith, so we know what the score is. We want a full refund, we want it now, and if we don't get it we're going to complain to Trading Standards."