"A day's work discarded amongst the hand baskets, and the tatty receipts, and the dirty copper coins and grubby fivers."
"We don't know what you're up to but we want it to stop."
"He 'very much regretted' the annihilation of Ludlow."
"the current rates of remuneration seriously underestimate just how much it takes to keep a politician on the straight and narrow."
"Now, my little darlings, it's all grey."
"You got used to colourful language when you were up to your elbows in oxtail, I can tell you."
"When you're laid up in hospital after being run over by an armoured personnel carrier, you have plenty of time to think about the future."
"Can't stand lawyers, you know. Wouldn't have one in the house."
"Consider what we might do with tales of worn out shoes and empty pans."
"I wouldn't trust most of you to dress yourselves without a team of paramedics standing by."
"Most riots tend to peter out once they get into their tenth year."
"Mr Rumblelow, you're dripping! Have you overloaded your bristles?"
"Nothing but a bunch of self-serving parasites who have weaselled their way into high office."
When I arrived they told me to 'watch the step' and apparently I did, so they concluded that I had twenty-twenty vision.
"I've got drawers full of kidneys, a filing cabinet full of lungs and the smell from the broom closet is enough to make your eyes peel."
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Punching singers in the mouth
We open your jars for you!
From the good people at Funmeals.
The role of water pistols in modern warfare
Y'know, wouldn't it be just awesome to be able to fly, or be invisible or have like superpower x-ray vision, or something?
Yes sir, a good pair of ears is about the most useful thing that you could possibly have in the animal kingdom.