Fat Lizards

Animal welfare charities have recently reported a disturbing new trend in instances of cruelty to tortoises. Certain individuals have taken to waiting for them to go into hibernation and then 'bricking up their shells'. Although the animals remain quite comfortable and secure during the winter months, come spring they become confused and disorientated as they attempt to emerge only to find that their entrances have been blocked by several courses of badly pointed brickwork.

"It's a very distressing experience for them," said welfare officer Miriam Lettuce. "They go into a panic and try to force their way out through the leg holes. And even when they do manage to get out, many of them are so traumatised that they abandon their shells completely and live the rest of their lives as fat lizards."

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Geoff Geoffreys' Geoffoscope

For too long Geoffs have been ignored by society, cast aside and denied the opportunity to glory in their essential Geoffness.

Promo Image

Toaster Suicide

Death by appliance.

Promo Image

The Devil's Arse on Tour

Big hole coming to your town.

Promo Image

Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette Page

Maisy Donnington is your guide to the wonderful world of cheese

Promo Image

Night of the Womble

Lost Womble book to be published.

Promo Image

Thinking of Buying an Octopus?

What you need to know

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...