In a surprise move, nuns are to be installed in 70 main post offices across the UK.

If this pilot scheme is successful, a further four hundred could find their way into smaller, local branches. However, the initiative has been slammed by Martin Pike of the National Nun Awareness Association.

Incredibly irresponsible

"I think this is an incredibly irresponsible scheme," Pike told us. "It might seem like a nice idea to have a nun in your local post office. Certainly it would be convenient, and I can see how it might benefit smaller communities who perhaps don't have any other access to nuns. But the plain fact is that a post office is not a natural habitat for a nun. They can easily become disorientated and frightened, and in such a state they can be extremely dangerous."

Extremely unstable

Mr Pike may well have a valid point. Recent wind tunnel research involving nuns has indicated that they are extremely unstable, and are liable to explode when placed next to a heat source, when left in direct sunlight, or on Tuesdays.

"It would be far better to use some kind of artificial nun," Mr Pike suggests. "Not only would this be safer and more reliable, but you could turn them off at night to save on electricity."