The Cake Escape

Proving that some urban myths can have at least a grain of truth in them, Thomas Pendlebury, the governor of Dartmoor prison, reports that there were no less than five attempts last year to smuggle files into the prison inside fruit cakes. However, these incidents are just the tip of the iceberg. Amongst some of the other items discovered within confiscated confectionery were an assortment of power tools, fourteen duplicate keys, half a dozen rope ladders and a chainsaw.

Previous finds have included a moped wedged between the layers of a Victoria sponge, and a tunneling machine that was smuggled into the prison grounds cunningly disguised as a blancmange. However, these incidents would have to go a long way to beat the now notorious attempt in 1983 to smuggle the whole of D wing out of the prison in a raspberry cheesecake. The plot very nearly succeeded, and was only foiled at the last moment when an eagle-eyed young warder noticed that the cheesecake was past its sell-by date.

This plot may have been the inspiration for the disasterous 'Operation DeathCake', undertaken by the SAS during the Gulf War. The plan was for a squad of highly trained commandos to smuggle themselves into Saddam Hussein's secret war bunker disguised as a Black Forest gateau, assasinate the Iraqui leader using explosive walnuts, then escape in a dinghy hidden in an apricot and rubarb flan. The scheme went tragically awry when the gateau was intercepted by a sweet-toothed member of Saddam's elite Republican Guard, who found its dark, rich chocolate and creamy filling irresistable. Three of the squad were eaten instantly, and one man only escaped after being badly nibbled. To this day, Lieutenant Hugo Lucas still cannot look a chocolate mousse in the face.

 

file in cake

 

Return to Archive 3

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

The Licepummeller

Knock 'em for six

Promo Image

UK Government to Sell North Sea?

Documents are released which show government once considered sale of damp asset.

Promo Image

Vicars on the Job

Doing the Lord's Work.

Promo Image

The Creeper and Other Motorists

At traffic lights his vehicle will be in a constant state of motion.

Promo Image

Kicking up a New Stink

Quentin Tote discovers a new smell.

Promo Image

The Domesday Clipboard

The clipboard used to compile the Domesday Book.

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious

20 December 2017: A Ding-Dong over Duvets

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk