The Cake Escape

file in cake

Proving that some urban myths can have at least a grain of truth in them, Thomas Pendlebury, the governor of Dartmoor prison, reports that there were no less than five attempts last year to smuggle files into the prison inside fruit cakes.

However, these incidents are just the tip of the iceberg. Amongst some of the other items discovered within confiscated confectionery were an assortment of power tools, fourteen duplicate keys, half a dozen rope ladders and a chainsaw.

Previous finds have included a moped wedged between the layers of a Victoria sponge, and a tunneling machine that was smuggled into the prison grounds cunningly disguised as a blancmange.

Raspberry cheesecake

These incidents would have to go a long way to beat the now notorious attempt in 1983 to smuggle the whole of D wing out of the prison in a raspberry cheesecake.

The plot very nearly succeeded, and was only foiled at the last moment when an eagle-eyed young warder noticed that the cheesecake was past its sell-by date.

Operation DeathCake

This plot may have been the inspiration for the disasterous 'Operation DeathCake', undertaken by the SAS during the Gulf War. The plan was for a squad of highly trained commandos to smuggle themselves into Saddam Hussein's secret war bunker disguised as a Black Forest gateau, assasinate the Iraqui leader using explosive walnuts, then escape in a dinghy hidden in an apricot and rubarb flan.

The scheme went tragically awry when the gateau was intercepted by a sweet-toothed member of Saddam's elite Republican Guard, who found its dark, rich chocolate and creamy filling irresistable.

Three of the squad were eaten instantly, and one man only escaped after being badly nibbled. To this day, Lieutenant Hugo Lucas still cannot look a chocolate mousse in the face.

 

 

Return to Archive 3

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Sir Barnaby Tonk Shines a Light

Introducing lamp posts to Europe

Promo Image

Grand Theft Equine

Stealing horses to order

Promo Image

New Horizons in Business Management

Case study #523: Parker Stropp (UK) Ltd

Promo Image

Exotic Cheeses of the World

Some of the cheeses detailed may be entirely fictitious.

Promo Image

Poot

Bigger, Better, Faster, Now!

Promo Image

Carter-Pierrepoint

Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes, ramped attainment actualisation, meta-directional outflow priorities and correctional forecasting (Tuesdays only).

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

19 February 2019: The Crap Olympics

17 February 2019: Dr Bongo on...Dogs

02 December 2018: The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

www.bleeding-obvious.co.uk
Copyright ©