From the people who brought you Britain's Favourite Hat, Celebrity Sandwich Apprentice and Morris Dancing with the Stars comes

Starting this Saturday, 8pm

Over the next ten weeks, the brightest and most promising amateur philosophers from all over the country will compete to see who can become The Bestest Philosopher, with the winner receiving £10,000 and the chance to philosophise for the Queen at this year's Royal Variety Performance.

Competitors will first have to battle through the blind auditions, asking searching questions about the nature of reality, struggling with intractable problems of morality and pondering the deepest mysteries of what it is to be human.

If they manage to impress a panel of celebrity philosophers and Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Fernandez-Versini, they will make it through to the live shows where, with the help of their celebrity coaches and Cheryl Thingy/Her-From-Girls-Aloud, they will stage a professionally choreographed philosophy routine, complete with live music and spangly costumes.

And then it's over to you, the viewer. Your vote will decide who gets to be crowned The Bestest Philosopher
(unless one of them manages to successfully formulate a rational reappraisal of the concept of excellence and so redefine exactly what is meant by 'bestest').