Instant Davids

from Buddygrow

Cultivating friendships isn't easy...

Going to all the trouble of discovering mutual interests, finding topics for discussion, remembering birthdays and arranging get-togethers.  Hmmm, it's a problem.   Especially if, like me, you're a miserable, bitter, resentful misanthrope who hates the world, despises company and wishes everybody would just fuck off and leave you alone.   Wouldn't it be great if you could just grow your friends from seed, nurture them and train them to behave exactly the way you want them to behave?  Hey, well guess what?   Now you can!

Each packet of Instant David seeds contains four hundred potential friends just waiting to spring to life.  Just plant in approximately six inches of compost, water liberally and wait for mother nature to do her work.  Before very long you'll have a fine crop of best buddies just waiting to be harvested. 



No more sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring!  No more going to the pub on your own!  With Instant Davids you can have your very own gang of mates for a fraction of the cost of real friends.  And you'll never be caught talking to yourself on the bus into town ever again!

WARNING: standard packets of Instant Davids may contain rogue Colins and trace elements of Darren.  Contents may settle in transit.  Buddygrow cannot be held responsible in the event that your new friend turns out to be a twat.


Return to The Last Gasp

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Promo Image

Carter-Pierrepoint

Particulate mapping of key delivery nodes, ramped attainment actualisation, meta-directional outflow priorities and correctional forecasting (Tuesdays only).

Promo Image

The British Gas Party

A party political message

Promo Image

Kitchen Olympics

Going for gold with your toaster

Promo Image

Kicking up a New Stink

Quentin Tote discovers a new smell.

Promo Image

Shampoo

Buy it. Now.

Promo Image

Pest Control

Mrs Whitney has tigers behind her shed.

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

06 October 2019: The Brixham Trouser Museum

02 October 2019: Judge Told to Bugger Off

27 September 2019: Legless

Copyright © 2006