Instant Davids

from Buddygrow

Cultivating friendships isn't easy...

Going to all the trouble of discovering mutual interests, finding topics for discussion, remembering birthdays and arranging get-togethers.  Hmmm, it's a problem.   Especially if, like me, you're a miserable, bitter, resentful misanthrope who hates the world, despises company and wishes everybody would just fuck off and leave you alone.   Wouldn't it be great if you could just grow your friends from seed, nurture them and train them to behave exactly the way you want them to behave?  Hey, well guess what?   Now you can!

Each packet of Instant David seeds contains four hundred potential friends just waiting to spring to life.  Just plant in approximately six inches of compost, water liberally and wait for mother nature to do her work.  Before very long you'll have a fine crop of best buddies just waiting to be harvested. 



No more sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring!  No more going to the pub on your own!  With Instant Davids you can have your very own gang of mates for a fraction of the cost of real friends.  And you'll never be caught talking to yourself on the bus into town ever again!

WARNING: standard packets of Instant Davids may contain rogue Colins and trace elements of Darren.  Contents may settle in transit.  Buddygrow cannot be held responsible in the event that your new friend turns out to be a twat.


Return to The Last Gasp

InstagramFacebookTwitter
A right load of dodgy villains.
The Quest for the World's Greatest Sandwich
Maisy Donnington tells us how to sit on a chair.
Image of Elbow captured on Venus
Find your perfect sandwich
Patent stink technology
In which fish compete in a spirit of international fellowship
Lost Womble book to be published.
Quentin Tote discovers a new smell.

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

30 April 2023: Commemorative Gas!

29 April 2023: Commemorative Cabbage!

28 April 2023: Commemorative Chicken!

Copyright © 2006