The Sandwich: #225

The Sandwich


Let me tell you, life in an anti-witch therapy centre is not easy. Every morning, the therapist straps you to a plank, smears you in Swarfega and shouts at you for fully three quarters of an hour. Sometimes he gets so angry that spit comes out and he has to wipe his mouth on his sleeve. It is yucky. I don't know why he does it, because neither of us seems to get anything out of it.

The food is rubbish as well. We are not allowed to have chips, because they are evil. We are not allowed pies, because they too are evil. I like a bit of cheese, but apparently cheese is the work of Satan, so that's off the menu. And lord help you if you ask for a Double Decker or a Curly Wurly, because they're convinced that chocolate is a form of malevolent ectoplasm that rots your insides and turns your bones to evil cinders. I'm pretty sure it isn't, because if it was they would have to put a warning of the wrapper, and I was looking at the ingredients in a Twix the other day and it said there was milk and cocoa solids, but that was about the worst of it.

Anyway, the worst part of it is when they hang us up by our feet from the rafters in the main hall and leave us there for five hours so that the evil can drip out of us. Well, naturally, stuff does drip out of us - it would drip out of you too if you'd been left suspended by your ankles with no access to toilet facilities. This stuff is unpleasant, admittedly, but whether it is actually "evil" is open to debate.

So, as I say, life in an anti-witch therapy centre is certainly no picnic, except for Wednesday afternoons, when we have a picnic.



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