MOLLUSC

The Department of Work and Pensions, the UK's benefits nobbling agency, has instigated a multi-million pound programme to reorganise its mail opening system. Opening letters without losing them, damaging them or accidentally stuffing them down the back of a filing cabinet is a very tricky operation, and it takes great skill, diligence and the usual compliment of opposable digits to get it right.

It also represents a significant portion of the DWP's workload, along with... well, all the other stuff they do, I suppose. Having meetings and knocking out press releases, I guess. Anyhow, previously mail was sent to one of twenty-nine mail opening centres where it would be opened, defaced, processed and finally lost by one of the department's four hundred highly-trained mail operatives. Unfortunately this process could take up to six weeks - longer during the summer, when staff found that they couldn't be arsed. A radical shake-up was needed.

The DWP's MOLLUSC programme was designed to do just that. MOLLUSC (Mail Opened & Left Lying Under Some Carpet) streamlines the whole process by reducing the number of mail opening centres to only one. This centre employs just two people - one who's really handy with a letter opener the other who sweeps all enquiries under a rug.

It's a big rug.

The top brass at the DWP are already said to be delighted with how the programme is working. Not only has it facilitated drastically reduced running costs, it has also allowed them to divert more resources into dreaming up spurious reasons to sanction claimants.

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2020 The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Promo Image

Exotic Cheeses of the World

Some of the cheeses detailed may be entirely fictitious.

Promo Image

National Consumer Instructions Awards

Confusing, badly translated or weird

Promo Image

Why is Water Transparent?

Dr Leonard Skynard of the University of Applied Wallpapering in Reykjavik has the answer.

Promo Image

DIY Olympics

Medals for UK wallpapering squad.

Promo Image

Linguiniphone

Learn to speak fluent Pasta.

Promo Image

Cosmic Background Apathy

In the beginning, it was like bang! You know.

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...