The Sandwich: #222

The Sandwich

#222

They don't just burn witches anymore. They have to try them first. By "try them" I don't mean like you would try a hat or a pair of trousers, although that might have been fairer. The try you by making you do a series of silly tests.

First I had to do one of those buzzy things. You know what I mean: the buzzy thing. You move a hoop over a bit of wobbly wire and if it touches it goes buzz. Well I did it perfectly, because I have the hands of a surgeon, but apparently this means that I am a witch.

The second test is that I had to do a Rubik's cube in under two minutes. This is proper easy for a brainbox like me, but I decided to play it smart. After all, these were simple country folk and they were bound to think that some kind of magic was involved if I achieved this task, so I deliberately failed. Apparently, my failure means that I am a witch.

The third test is maths. I have recently mastered quadratic equations, but I don't think that will help me here. This was the problem I was set: Malcolm is on a train travelling from Chichester to Frome at an average speed of sixty miles an hour. Meanwhile, Mary is waiting at a bus stop in Wolverhampton and her cousin Brenda has gone on a city break to Copenhagen. In light of this information, what did Nathanial Kerchunk have for breakfast?

Now, this was a tricky one, so I sat down with a pencil and paper and tried to work it out. It made my head throb but after fifteen minutes I finally came up with the answer: twenty-eight miles per hour! Apparently, this conclusively proves that I am a witch.

 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Find your perfect sandwich
The thing about antimatter is
Sticks for all the family
We investigate the Belgian conspiracy
Ricky Stratocaster's history of Rock
'If cows are made of beef and pigs are made of bacon, what are squirrels made of?'
Spartacus Jones has been reading too many comics
Could you spare just three doubloons a day?
Most commercially available printers have an inbuilt fear of paper.
We're really great

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...