#192

I am armed with an official fake certificate that proves I am an actual boffin. There are different types of boffin, obviously. You have maths boffins, who are good at numbers and counting and sometimes long division. And you have animal boffins, you are good at sheep and cows and breeding new types of wombat. And you have shapes boffins, who are extremely good at putting different shaped objects into the correct holes. All of these are vital skills, quite clearly, and these types of boffins are always much in demand, especially in Exeter. I don't know why people in Exeter are crying out for boffins, but there you are.

I have chosen to make myself a cake boffin, because they are always welcome. Cake boffins do sponges and pastries and things like that. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what a cake is. According to my official fake certificate, I have specialised in fondant. I don't expect anyone is likely to challenge my credentials, but if they do ask me any awkward questions, well I've eaten enough cakes in my life to bluff my way through. Ha, when I think back to how the kids at my school used to tease me and call me Tubby O'Fartarse - I should think that they will be laughing on the other sides of their faces now. I know for a fact that Gavin Pilkingthorn will be, because he was hit by a train in 1989 and it knocked him sideways. Now he does everything on the other side of his face, not just laugh. I saw him in town just the other day, but he didn't see me. He was coming straight towards me, but looking over his shoulder. Works as a taxi driver, they tell me [joke].