Your Staff Feedback, Your Way

 

Your Staff Feedback, Your Way

Managers and supervisors! Tired of getting negative feedback on staff surveys? If yours is a small-to-medium business then Frisbee Digitally Tracked Logistical Interface Solutions could have the right answer for you.

We all appreciate positive feedback from our staff. It confirms what we know already: that we're really great and everybody thinks we're fantastic. Oh yeah, we're the best!

But all too often ungrateful and misguided staff can spoil everything by using the opportunity to air their grievances, moan about petty abuses and generally be all negative and grumpy.

That's the last thing you need when all you really want is to feel smug and self-satisfied about yourself.

Obviously, it's a relatively simple task to ignore such responses, track down the perpetrators and subject them to an extended campaign of bullying and harassment before finally dismissing them without notice. And, of course, this is marvellous fun - but wait! What if someone wants to examine the data in more depth? A troublesome shareholder, perhaps, a senior director or a coroner?

Well, with a tailored staff survey from Frisbee Digitally Tracked Logistical Interface Solutions that's simply not a problem. Our unique algorithm reinterprets each response, making it impossible to give a negative answer and guaranteeing perfect results every time. And, as an added bonus, your workers receive the false impression that their inconsequential gripes and whinges have been taken seriously.

Frisbee Digitally Tracked Logistical Interface Solutions

Because fiddling the answers is far easier than fixing the problem.

Want to see how it works? Check out the sample questions below, along with examples of how your staff's responses will be interpreted in the results.

Question 1: How satisfied are you with your workload?

a: Extremely
b: Very
c: Not at All

Answer reinterpreted as:

a: I am extremely happy with my workload
b: I am very happy with my workload
c: I feel that my workload is inadequate and I am eager to be given more to do.

Question 2: How proud are you to work for [COMPANY NAME]

a: Extremely
b: Very
c: Not at all.

Answer reinterpreted as:

a: I am extremely proud to work here.
b: I am very proud to work here
c: Not at all proud because I don't think that the word 'proud' sufficiently describes the overwhelming sense of joy that I feel every day of the working week.

Question 3: Do you believe that [COMPANY NAME] properly appreciates the contribution that you make?

a: Without a doubt.
b: Certainly
c: No.

Answer reinterpreted as:

a: Without a doubt.
b: Certainly
c: I feel that I have a greater contribution to make and am embarrassed that the company regularly heaps praise on me when my work is, at best, average.

Question 4: Finally, in your own words, give a short summary of how you feel about working for [COMPANY NAME]

I think this organisation is populated by people who are just looking for an easy time of it at other people's expense, mostly mine, and I'm sick of having to put up with the childish dick-swinging, rampant unprofessionalism and blatant, undisguised criminality.

Answer reinterpreted as:

I think everybody is absolutely lovely and I am jolly pleased to work here.

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

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