Are you constantly being told that you're an annoying, loudmouthed, over-opinionated pain in the arse?

Do you find that your sound judgement, insightful observations and expert analysis are constantly being ignored, no matter how relentlessly you forcibly inflict them on your friends and colleagues?

Do people, in short, think you're a bit of a jerk?

If the answer to these questions is 'yes' then the solution to your problem, my friend, is simple. What you need is...

Dr Friedrich Harpic's Anti-Assertiveness course

Dr Friedrich Harpic first developed his revolutionary Anti-Assertiveness programme back in the sixties. At the time he was forever thrusting his barely comprehensible theories and philosophies on unwilling and unappreciative audiences, often descending into a frustrated stream of guttural mutterings as he endeavoured to persuade his rapidly dwindling circle of associates to recognise his wisdom. It was only when a close friend, in a fit of uncontrolled candour, told him that he was being 'a real prick' that Dr Harpic recognised he needed to shut the fuck up.


Experimenting with a range of different self-degradation techniques, confidence-sapping exercises and humiliation workshops, Dr Harpic soon managed to 'knock the wind out of his sails' and, in consequence, became a much more agreeable, modest and humble companion. In fact, he became so meek that it took him a further fifty years before he summoned up the nerve to tell anyone about his ground-breaking discoveries.


Today Dr Harpic tours the world, delivering Anti-Assertiveness classes to all manner of self-important, long-winded, conceited, pretentious, overbearing, boorish, immodest and bombastic fuckwits. And he personally guarantees that he can turn you from an arrogant tosser into the embodiment of politeness and discretion after just a few short sessions.


Well... maybe 'guarantee' is putting it a bit strong. I mean, we think most people could benefit, but we wouldn't like to impose our own opinions on anyone. It's up to you, really, and whatever you decide is fine, really it is... you know... okay...

 

 

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Order via Amazon UK

Order via Amazon US

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2017

Return to Archive 1

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Get those wonky flappers fixed
Experimental discos
Most commercially available printers have an inbuilt fear of paper.
David McGog MP has been at it again
Make mealtimes go with a bang.
The latest local information
Mathew Sandblaster-Trogg has not stopped bouncing since 1972
We're really great
New Discovery Casts Light on Prophet's Death.
The Metropolitan Police Choir in concert

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

13 June 2022: The Sandwich: #365

12 June 2022: The Sandwich: #364

11 June 2022: The Sandwich: #363