One of the age-old dreams of science fiction writers may very soon be a reality. We are all familiar with the concept of teleportation from popular TV programmes like Star Trek, Knot's Landing and Cheers. Now scientists in Norway have discovered that - in theory, at least - teleportation is feasible. There are, however, limitations. Due to the phenomenal amounts of energy required the furthest distance it would be possible to transport any object is two and a half feet. The team believes that in less than two years it can have a fully-functional teleportation device up and running. It is expected to cost around two and a half billion pounds, require the entire energy output of western Europe, and be extremely useful for getting things down out of high cupboards.
Jeremy Wing-Wang, a freelance mentalist from Woking, has invented a revolutionary new process for removing red wine stains from carpets.
"What I do is I transmogrify the affected area into a pig, using a special pig transmogrifying ray of my own invention. The red wine then passes through the digestive system of the pig in the usual manner. Once this process is complete, I then transmogrify the pig back into its natural carpet state."
Mr Wing-Wang claims that the technique is 100% effective, does not discolour the carpet and leaves behind only a faint odour of pork. However, his long-suffering wife, Mrs Immelda Wing-Wang, is less enthusiastic.
"Oh just ignore him," is her advice. "That's his answer to everything - transmogrify it into a pig."
Did refugees from Atlantis build the great Sphinx? Did alien visitors from beyond the stars build the Pyramids? Was the Egyptian custom of mummification a remnant of extra-terrestrial space technology?
Graham Jameson has been studying ancient Egyptian civilisation for over twenty years, and he is convinced that they had access to advanced technology. Has this technology been lost to the world forever? Does the wisdom of the ancients remain locked away in long-forgotten temples, awaiting rediscovery? Do secret societies and cults still have access to strange and fantastic devices from the old times?
No, probably not..
In just a few short weeks, if all goes to plan, the name Elton Studsworthy will be a household word. Two household words, in fact, for if he is successful Mr Studsworthy will be the first person in history to climb the Orinoco. Mr Studsworthy has been climbing for over twenty-five years. Not continuously, obviously - that would be silly. Nevertheless, he has managed to conquer some of the most formidable slopes this planet has to offer, including K2, Makalu and Nanga Parbat (go on - look them up). He's also done Everest the hard way - backwards up the North Face, whilst blindfolded and wearing a flaming straitjacket. For such an accomplished climber there are very few challenges left, and so now that he has conquered the world's tallest peaks, Studsworthy has set himself the task of climbing the world's longest rivers. Studsworthy has chosen the Orinoco for his first river climb as he believes it should not present him with too much of a challenge. He has already spent a great deal of time waterproofing his crampons and treating his tent with a specially developed piranha repellent. And if this attempt is successful, he hopes to tackle the Zambezi next spring.