For the first time ever, murder is going to be made illegal in England and Wales. Previously, a loophole in the law has meant that murderers have been able to carry out their business with impunity, although in recent years the police have resorted to charging these people with lesser felonies - such as causing an affray, double parking and shoplifting - in order to put them beyond the reach of decent society. Hopefully this new law will make their job easier, and render it unlikely that we will see a repeat of the furore surrounding notorious serial killer Hampton Wick, who was recently jailed for forty years for fouling a footpath.
Currently doing big business in the high street is a new range of fragrances from Estée Larder. "We have always felt that everyone should have access to our product," says marketing director Katie Chutney-Jones. "And so we created this range especially for the less affluent end of the market. Each fragrance has been tailored to appeal to young, non-professional women who might not normally be able to afford such luxuries."
Of course, when she says 'young, non-professional women' what Ms. Chutney-Jones actually means is chav scum. Which is why the top selling fragrances so far this year have been chip fat, picked cabbage and cheese and onion.
Because of recent health and safety concerns, a new law has come into force requiring concert promoters and organisers of festivals to group their audiences according to height, to make crowd surfing safer.
Where do squirrels go in winter? Well, a recent report by the Association of British Travel Agents reveals that the Mediterranean is the most popular destination, with the West Indies running a close second. This is a very different picture from five years ago, when Florida came out on top. This may perhaps be a reflection of the change in attitude of the Florida Tourist Board, which has responded to the increasing incidents of squirrel-related violence by confiscating their nuts at the airport.