Formula 1 racing will take a leap into the future this season when it becomes the first sport to become fully interactive. Viewers at home already have the option of selecting camera angles during live broadcasts. New technology now makes it possible for them to actually drive the cars, using the interactive buttons on their remote controls. This will greatly relieve the pressure on the drivers, who will no longer have to concentrate on the difficult business of going very fast and trying not to crash. Now all they will need to do is sit in the cars for two or three hours and try not to fall out. Many of them plan to put this this new-found free time to good use, catching up on their fan mail, writing autobiographies and embarking on the occasional correspondence course. We've heard of one driver who intends to take up the trombone.
Dennis Bond of Iowa has created a stir by claiming that he is the reincarnation of a famous Hollywood movie star. Nothing new in that, of course. The media is awash with people claiming to be the mortal re-embodiment of dead celebrities, historical figures or great leaders. But what makes Mr Bond's claim so unusual is that he believes that he is the reincarnation of Lassie.
"Personally I think that what Dennis is doing is sick," said a colleague of Mr Bond's, who does not wish to be identified. "Everyone's entitled to their beliefs, however nuts they are, and I accept that. But I've known Dennis for a good few years now and I know just the type of man he is. And I'll tell you this much - he no more believes himself to be the reincarnation of Lassie than I believe myself to be Donald Duck. It's just an excuse for him to hang around the park and sniff other dogs' butts."
Stand aside! It's time for the latest superhero to take to the skies - Tidyman! Comic book fans can look forward to a new kind of hero - one who doesn't fight crimes himself, but trails in the wake of his more dynamic superhero colleagues and tidies up after them. Whilst visiting a mental asylum one day, ordinary, everyday anal-retentive management consultant Peter Pewter is bitten by a radioactive obsessive-compulsive bloke and magically transformed into Tidyman. With his newly-discovered super-senses he finds that he has a natural ability to detect dirt and grime, and his keen hearing can pick up the noise of a discarded drinks can or bus ticket from a distance of several miles. So when Superman has finally despatched his enemies in a whirlwind of debris and rubble, Tidyman is standing by with his trusty dustpan and brush. And when Wonder Woman has saved the world from a ravenous hoard of cybernetic sea monsters, Tidyman is waiting, ready to mop up. Selflessly devoted to making the world a cleaner, neater and altogether more wholesome place, Tidyman asks for no recognition, no reward - just the chance to do his bit for humanity and the opportunity to wash his hands upwards of sixty times a day.
Shops across the country are preparing to be inundated as the latest toy craze reaches Britain's shores. Royal Family Action Figures have been big news in the States, and this month BendyToy International plans to release the entire range over here. Almost all the Royal Family will be represented - from the Monarch herself, right down to that Blandford bloke. All the figures are fully articulated and come complete with ceremonial costumes and detachable heads.
The Duchess of York has already proved this year's biggest selling toy across the pond. It can either be purchased separately or as part of a limited edition playset, comprising action figure, ski resort and a fucking great overdraft.
However, prominent Royalists are claiming that such brazen commercialism is undermining the Monarchy. BendyToy have denied such allegations, but further upsets are expected next month when they release their updated Prince Charles toy - which now comes with its own space armour, light sabre and X-wing fighter.
Every evening Sidney Tration combs the beaches of his native Devon with his hand held metal detector. On a good day he may find a handful of loose change or a set of keys, though Sidney rarely finds anything of any great value. On June 23rd of this year, however, Sidney found something wholly unexpected - a World War II German U-boat, complete with its original crew.
"When we opened it up the crew were very confused. They seemed to think that the war was still on and I had a hellish time explaining that they'd lost. I suppose you can't blame them for being a little irritable. Anybody who's been trapped under a beach for over fifty years is entitled to be a little miffed."
Legally, anything found on Devon's public beaches is the property of Devon County Council, but in this instance the council has waived its claim to the submarine.
"I've been approached by all sorts of people who are interested in buying the U-boat," says Sidney. " But I've turned them all down. I intend to keep the submarine myself, and have it stuffed."
Sidney Tration's submarine is not the only strange thing to be found on Britain's beaches this year. In March schoolchildren in Morecambe discovered an eight-foot long French fry wedged in sandbank. In April a woman in Rhyl found a thirty-four year old cinema usherette in a rock pool. And more recently a man exploring the Humberside coastline has found Cleethorpes, a busy coastal town believed lost in the 1960s.