Mrs Alice Sideways' Campaign for the Abolition of Tuesdays is gathering pace, especially now that her pressure group has gained the support of backbench Labour MP, the Right Honourable Kenneth Trolley. "I've never been particularly fond of Tuesdays, and I don't think I've ever made a secret of that," said Mr Trolley at a recent press conference. "In fact, back in 1984 I was part of a commission set up to look into the possibility of trimming the day down to a more manageable nineteen and a half hours. I was particularly keen to lose a couple of hours in the late afternoon, and public reaction at the time indicated that we could also have cut the period between 7.30 and 8 o'clock in the evening without meeting too much opposition. In the event, the proposal came to nothing as it was deemed that the whole thing would be too expensive."
Nevertheless, the project has never really gone away, and has its supporters in all levels of government. It's generally agreed that the removal of Tuesday would go a long way towards streamlining the whole week, and there are even a few members of the current cabinet who are in favour of tearing a chunk out of Wednesday as well. The only obstacle has been the cost, but help may be just across the Channel. There is hope that an Anglo-French attempt at shortening the week would spread the cost and thus make the whole thing more feasible.
"Let's hope it's a success, and the sooner the better!" says Mr Trolley. "Personally, I find stupid bloody Tuesdays dull, objectionable and smelly, and I for one can't wait until it's had its day."
Want to go ice skating on a hot summer's day? Want to feel the wind in your hair as you glide gracefully through the park on a blistering July afternoon? Well, that's exactly want Ronald Ingot wanted to do. Ronald is a fanatical ice skater, and quite an accomplished one too, but he really doesn't care for the cold. But now he doesn't have to wait for the world to freeze over before he can go out and enjoy himself - he just straps two ice lollies to his feet and off he goes.
"I don't know why it's never caught on before," he says. "With a pair of Strawberry Mivvis or Walls Soleros stuck to my shoes I cut quite a figure as I slide through the neighbourhood, followed by groups of cheering children and a cloud of angry wasps. To my mind, it's simply the only way to travel."
However, there are doubts over whether Ronald is really the pioneer that he purports to be, after his brother-in-law claimed that he stole the idea from him whilst they were out tobogganing together on a giant Cornish pasty.
Tired of doing all your own doodling?
It's time-consuming, isn't it? Drawing pictures of spaceships while you wait on the phone, filling in the 'O's in newspaper headlines as you sit on the train, or scribbling random lettering on the back of cigarette packets. Well all that can be a thing of the past!
Mark Fawcet is a freelance illustrator and graphic designer, and he is now available for all your home and office doodling needs. And what can Mark do for you? Well, not only will he be able to save you time and effort, he can also produce doodles to professional standard. No more stick men on your notepad or meaningless squiggles at the back of your diary - Mark will provide doodles of distinction and quality that will make you the envy of your friends and colleagues.
Mark's number can be found in the Yellow Pages, usually scribbled in the margin under 'Heating Engineers', next to the crudely drawn picture of a rabbit.
Palaeontologists have discovered the fossilised remains of a previously unknown insect - the wingless ancestor of the common fly. They've decided to call it a 'walk'... okay, it's not funny, but it's quick...