At 73, William Turpin remains fully active in his chosen profession, despite suffering horrific injuries on a daily basis. The great, great grandson of legendary highwayman Dick Turpin, William has followed in the family tradition and continues to ply his trade up and down the motorways of Great Britain.
"Of course, things were much easier in the days of my illustrious ancestor," says William from his hospital bed, where he is recovering from a broken collar bone, severe lacerations of the face and a cracked pelvis. "All he had to do was step out into the road, cry out 'stand and deliver' then just collect the loot. Now me, I step out into the road and get as far as 'sta...' and then whack! Next thing I know, I'm lying in a ditch with my legs bent round the wrong way and the word 'Scania' imprinted across my forehead."
Derek Lennon, a bricklayer from Humberside, has hit upon a brilliant idea which could revolutionise the building trade. By taking an ordinary bungalow and constructing a second bungalow on top, accessed by some kind of staircase, Lennon believes he can effectively double the living area of the building. However, he has experienced difficulties in obtaining a patent for his 'double-low', as he calls it. The Patent Office have already registered a patent for a remarkably similar idea, called a 'house'.
Boy Scouts around the country are in for a treat this month as Hissing Sid's Russian Snake Circus embarks on an extensive tour of the country. The highly trained contortionist snake troupe are famous the world over for their legendary displays of knot-tying, and it promises to be an excellent show.
Simon Cocksure, an amateur inventor from Sutton Coldfield, has discovered that, when kept at a temperature of -5°C, pork sausages are an excellent electrical conductor. Further tests have revealed that a 50% pork/beef mixture gives even better results.
Quite how Mr Cocksure came to make this astounding discovery is in itself something of a mystery. Sausages are not generally considered part of standard laboratory equipment, and their properties - electrical or otherwise - have been largely overlooked by many researchers.
Cocksure, however, believes that sausages may provide the key to creating a more energy-efficient branch of electrical engineering. Indeed, his belief is so strong that he has given up his job and invested his life savings in developing the new technology, converting his own ninteenth century semi-detatched cottage. At great expense, the amateur inventor has fitted specialist refrigeration equipment designed to keep the walls of his house at a constant temperature; installed a new generator and junction box capable of handling the increased loads; and replaced all of his wiring with sausages.
Now his lights don't work.