"Hello, Justice Frog here: grand funkmaster and thoroughly cool dude. During my many, many years as a high court judge and part time spot-welder, I have had to preside over some terrible cases; cases involving kidnappery, murder and the gross maltreatment of small furry animals. Sadly, many of these cases were made all the more harrowing by the fact that they centred on members of my own family.
"And yet, I cannot honestly say that I've ever heard anything quite as remarkable as the story that has been told here. It has been a tale of great courage, incredible perseverance and staggering quantities of baked beans. But above all else, it has been a story in which justice has been done; a story, if you like, with a happy ending.
"Not that there was a happy outcome for everyone involved. Oh no. Certainly not for the villains of the piece, who met with a very nasty end. Nor was there a happy ending for the Bear family: shortly after their ordeal, Mr. and Mrs. Bear were divorced and Nigel was put into the custody of a group of train spotters. Fame and fortune didn't last long for Marmaduke the horse, and he can now be found cleaning the toilets at King's Cross. Mary found himself a job as a Tupperware consultant, Lionel Crump was demoted to the post of cleaning lady, and Longtower the philosopher was struck by a meteorite.
"But for myself, at least, there is a happy ending. I now live in the Caribbean where I've just been named The Grooviest Person In Jamaica for the fifth year running. Bye bye for now. Missing you already."