Doing Lines

Residents of East Tafferton will have a shock when they receive their council tax bills this year, as the town council has opted to have all its road markings done by hand. "It's expensive," says Councillor John Thomas. "But we think it's worth it because it enhances the look of the town and will lend a pleasing aspect to our roads and car parks."

The council is currently inviting tenders from artists who are interested in taking on the commission. "We're looking for someone with flair and an eye for detail. A degree in fine art would be advantageous although not essential. We encourage creativity and are not afraid of pushing the boundaries when it comes to colour and style, although the one thing we insist on - and I really can't stress this enough - is that the successful candidate must be able to do straight lines."

...and in related news...

The highways agency has recently experimented with putting glitter into paint used for road markings in an effort to reduce the cost of street lighting. "It's been a fantastic success," said a spokesman. "The new glitter markings have significantly improved visibility at night and, as an added bonus, now it looks like Christmas all year round."