Is your hamster timid, skittish and reluctant to show its face in company? Does it have difficulty socialising with other rodents? Does your pet get lost in the crowd, feel inadequate or worthless?

Now, all that can be a thing of the past. Here at the Californian Center for Pet Welfare our Furry Feelgood Program can turn you problem pet into a confident, no-nonsense highflier.

The Furry Feelgood system is a series of 12 self-help sessions aimed at hamsters, guinea pigs and small rabbits. Through controlled behavioural analysis, empathetic mood modulation and something else that sounds vaguely sciencey, your pet will learn to harness assertiveness techniques and become successful in a number of social and work-related situations:

• During meetings
• At the golf club
• At the chiropodist
• In the fishmonger's

So call now, and very soon your hamster could be popular, confident and earning three times as much as you do.