Universal Serial Sheep

TECHNOLOGY NEWS: Good news for farmers arrives next month when Phillips launches a new range of sheep fitted with USB ports. For many years now, agricultural workers have been bemoaning the lack of standardisation when it comes to livestock connections, with a broad variety of proprietary technology on the market to complicate the industry. We heard from one relieved expert, who warmly welcomed this new breakthrough.

"Well it's about bloody time," said farmer and sheep enthusiast Fergus Pong. "I have a right old ding-dong rummaging through drawers looking for the right adaptor. At last I'll be able to download all my wool in one go. Now if someone could just sort out a standard voltage for cows, we'll be laughing."