Dr Lazlo Clench

Buttock Expresses uses the exclusive services of Dr Lazlo Clench at the Turkmenistan Institute of Experimental Surgery. Dr Clench is fully qualified in both flux cored and gas metal arc welding, and has been performing buttock enhancement procedures for more than twenty years, during which time he has treated over two hundred thousand patients and successfully defended himself in a dozen major lawsuits. He is recognised globally as Turkmenistan's seventh most reliable cosmetic surgeon, and has won international acclaim for his paper on the effect of Magnetic Fields on the Science of Posterior Repositioning.

Treatments

Some of the procedures currently offered include:

• Cheek realignment
• Crack widening
• Buttock rebalancing
• Inflation
• Deflation
• Condensation
• Lifting and separating
• Full valet and detailing

In addition, Dr Clench has pioneered a revolutionary new enhancement technique using a latex polymer treatment, and if you choose the premium package your new rubber buttocks will be guaranteed for thirty thousand miles.

Your Stay

We will fly you out to Turkmenistan in style and on your arrival the procedure of your choice will be carried out at the Institute of Experimental Surgery, or in the sports centre next door if facilities are not available.

Following your bum surgery, you will relax and recuperate in our luxurious resort. Maybe take an excursion by camel into the hills, enjoy jet skiing on the Caspian Sea, or compete in the country's world-famous space hopper steeplechase.

Or possibly you'll just want to take things easy, in which case rest assured that all our suites are supplied with very, very soft cushions.

Your Safety

Your safety is our greatest concern. Indeed, official figures show that you stand more risk of incurring life-changing injuries on the flight out than from the surgery! Whilst this is undoubtedly true, we would like to reassure customers that since those statistics were published we have started using a more reliable airline.

You can also be confident that emergency resuscitation teams will be on hand throughout your surgery. And we've just invested in a defibrillator!

Easy Payment Plan

Butt enhancement is a major investment, and we know that you won't want to scrimp on such an important procedure. Nevertheless, we do appreciate that finding the money can be hard, which is why we have introduced our new easy payment plan, which allows you to spread your buttocks over twelve months.

What our customers say

Mary Bangers from Bangor

This is the fourth time I've booked with buttock express and after all the work that I've had done I'm happy to say that my arse is massive. I've heard some horror stories about people who have visited less reputable surgeons and have had their buttocks stuffed with all sorts of rubbish, including newspapers, old rags and even loft insulation, which I gather makes it very itchy. Dr Clench, however, is very professional and uses only the very best upholstery foam. This time he even installed a zip to make it easier to stuff me the next time I come.

Judith Donkley from Doncaster.

I had my left buttock enhanced two years ago, and I was really pleased with it. I've been telling all my friends about the excellent service I received and what a difference it's made to my life. Now I've saved up enough money to get the other buttock done and I'm really looking forward to having a matching pair. It's really going to improve my self-confidence, and will also stop me from falling off so many chairs.