#210

I am posing as a boffin called Professor Ganymede Xerox, I am strapped to a giant multi-dimensional catapult and I am about to be propelled into another plane of existence, when all of a suddenness we hear an almighty rumble. In the circumstances I think I could be forgiven for being a little nervous, and if anyone detected the occasional parp coming from my direction, I'm sure they'd be polite enough not to draw attention to it. But this one was a real belter, and it wasn't me wot done it.

Suddenly a cow came a-crashing through the skylight, being ridden by a man with electric eyebrows, wearing a cape and wielding one zinger of a pointy baguette with a pickled egg skewered on the end. Oh heck, I thought, not this again. But no, this wasn't like my dream. For one thing, there was no trout involved. And for another, separate thing, my aunt Maisy was not in the immediate vicinity, which is always a blessing, just ask my uncle Patrick. No, this was something altogether different - this was clearly real life, and not just a fever dream.

"Get off my foot," said Archduke Flapjack.

"Who sir?" said the newcomer.

"You sir," said Flapjack.

The newcomer apologised, dismounted and parked his cow in the corner. "I am Professor Ganymede Xerox," he said. "I believe you were expecting me."

Archduke Flapjack gasped like a drunken plumber. Then he pointed at me. "Well if you're Professor Xerox, who is that gentleman?"

Gosh, I've been rumbled! I reached down, pulled the lever and catapulted myself into oblivion.