Energy crisis hits local man
"I just can't seem to get up in the mornings," says Gary Flange. "To be honest, that's the main reason I'm still local. I don't really have the energy to go anywhere else."
Gary has long suspected that there was more to his problem than just idleness and, after reading a recent article about the likelihood of power outages, he's now convinced.
"They said there could be an energy crisis this winter," he tells us. "I said to the wife, it's here already! I'm constantly knackered and am confined to the sofa most of the time. It's all I can do to get up and make a sandwich. The report talked about blackouts and, let me tell you, I've had my fair share of them. Usually after I've been on the Newcastle Brown but, it's like I keep telling my doctor, I have to drink it to keep my strength up."
To be fair, the report Mr Flange refers to talks of possible electricity supply problems arising from an increase in demand and the closure of a number of power stations. It didn't really indicate a general lethargy sweeping the country. When we put this to Mr Flange he replies cautiously.
"Well," he says. "You talk about 'increased demand'. You talk about 'power stations'. You talk about... what was that other thing you talked about? Yeah, something about sweeping legacies in the country. Well, whatever. All I know is that I haven't felt the same since our Karen's birthday do, so there's certainly something going on. I don't know whether I've picked up a bug, had a dodgy kebab or whether this is something to do with that fracking that everybody's talking about. All I know is I'm bushed and I reckon that I should be sent on holiday on the National Health. Now, if you don't mind, Judge Rinder's on and I need to go and have a lie down. Bye."