Burgers vs. Bangers

When amateur inventor Darius Bottomly discovered a cache of over 200 burnt and blackened bangers hidden in a patch of weeds at the bottom of his garden he obviously assumed that he had chanced upon some kind of natural sausage spring. But when groundwater tests revealed an almost total absence of pork or beef, the mystery deepened. It was only once he had observed his neighbour dropping them over the fence after a family barbecue that he realised that his garden was being used as a dumping ground for unwanted food.

Bottomly's response was to develop the self-propelling burger, a drone patty that can, at a given signal, flip itself up off the barbecue and strike any target within a two hundred yard radius. The test flight of the prototype saw not only a successful launch but also a confirmed kill as it smashed straight through next door's patio window and fatally impacted the family's second favourite goldfish.

Bottomly's neighbour has since retaliated by stepping up his sausage dumping activities, launching wave after wave of the frazzled bangers over the boundary at random times throughout the day. And although Bottomly admits that he is currently under siege, he is confident that the tide of the conflict will turn just as soon as he has perfected his sausage-seeking chicken drumstick which will be able to knock incoming meat products out of the air before they have chance to do any real damage.

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