Takeaways Hit by Persistent Squirrel Abuse

Many animals have been observed using tools in order to accomplish everyday tasks. For instance, the woodpecker finch uses a cactus spine as a spear to impale larvae, elephants modify branches to scratch themselves with and pandas can use power tools. But so far squirrels have proven to be unique in that they are the only animals that have been observed to use the internet.

Typically, squirrels use services like hungryhouse, Just Eat and Stuff-My-Face-Please to order up takeaways from local companies. They have a particular fondness for curries, with lamb pasanda being the number one choice. By and large, however, most businesses find their custom unwelcome.

"It's a real pain," one delivery driver told us. "The alarm bells start to ring when the address appears to be in the middle of nowhere. You end up walking through some creepy old woods, with these excited little shapes scurrying about on the edge of your vision and the feeling of beady little eyes all over you. When you get to the right tree, you ring the bell and a furry little bastard scampers down and sits there expectantly, cheeks puffed out in excitement, and you just think oh shit, not again.

"The worst thing is they expect to get away with paying you in acorns."

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