Tax, What Tax?

UBO:

We're here today with Sir John Wyndrell, of Wyndrell Holdings.

Sir John:

Nope, sorry, never heard of them.

UBO:

I beg your pardon?

Sir John:

This Winsome Holdings, or whatever.

UBO:

Wyndrell Holdings.

Sir John:

Yes, them. Can't say I've ever come across them.

UBO:

You are the company's managing director.

Sir John:

I don't know who gave you that idea.

UBO:

Well, when we phoned your office...

Sir John:

No, don't have an office.

UBO:

... your secretary told us that...

Sir John:

Don't have a secretary. Good job too. Don't have an office, you see, so there would be nowhere for her to work.

UBO:

Sir John, when we phoned your office your secretary told us that you were the very person we needed to talk to in connection with Wyndrell Holdings.

Sir John:

Can't see how she could have. Apart from anything else, I don't have a phone. No, I'm afraid there must have been some terrible mix up. I'm nothing to do with this Winkle Holdings of which you speak.

UBO:

But you're listed as a director by Companies House.

Sir John:

Must be some other feller.

UBO:

You are regularly quoted in newspapers and periodicals as a spokesman for the firm.

Sir John:

I think you must have an overactive imagination.

UBO:

It was printed on the business card you gave us when you came in.

Sir John:

Well, yes... what? Oh, Wyndrell Holdings! Sorry, I must have misheard. I have an ear infection. Yes, now you come to mention it, I think I do have some slight connection with the firm.

UBO:

Perhaps, then, you could comment on certain details concerning tax affairs that have recently come to light?

Sir John:

Well, I'm not sure I have those details at my fingertips. Vis-à-vis the company structure, I usually find myself more on the catering side of things.

UBO:

I'm sure you can fill us in on the basics. We understand that Wyndrell Holdings is not registered in the UK?

Sir John:

Yes it is.

UBO:

No it isn't.

Sir John:

Well all right, but so what?

UBO:

In recent days speculation has focussed on your use of a tax haven to avoid paying tax.

Sir John:

Ah, I think you mean evade paying tax.

UBO:

Do we?

Sir John:

Evade? Avoid? Which one is it that is legal? Either way, there is nothing illegal about what we're doing. Not that I know what we're doing, of course. We're probably not doing anything.

UBO:

Don't you think it's rather unethical.

Sir John:

Look I think you're being terribly parochial about all this. We operate in a global market. We have to be based somewhere - who cares if it's Panama or the British Virgin Islands or Timbuctoo for that matter?

UBO:

Or the Moon?

Sir John:

Yes, well... what's that?

UBO:

Your company's registered office is on the Moon.

Sir John:

Well exactly... err...

UBO:

Commuting must be a bit of a problem. Is it actually possible to register a company on the Moon?

Sir John:

I imagine it must be if, as you say, my company is registered there.

UBO:

So how does it work, then? After all, there is no one there to register it with.

Sir John:

Yes there is. There's a little feller who works out of an office in the Sea of Tranquillity.

UBO:

No there isn't.

Sir John:

Yes there is.

UBO:

No there isn't. There hasn't been anyone on the Moon since 1972.

Sir John:

He's been on his lunch break.

UBO:

All right, we can see that we're not going to get any sense from you.

Sir John:

Yes you are.

UBO:

Obviously you were determined from the outset that you were just going to be silly.

Sir John:

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

UBO:

I think we'll bring this interview to a close, Sir John.

Sir John:

Sir who? I don't think I've met him, but if I should bump into him I'll let you know you're looking for him. Bye.

submit to reddit
The Annual 2018

COMING SOON: The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

French Polishers

French polisher arrested for interfering with table.

Promo Image

Legion of Ultramen

Y'know, wouldn't it be just awesome to be able to fly, or be invisible or have like superpower x-ray vision, or something?

Promo Image

Belicose Pork

Feral Sausages and malignant pork pies.

Promo Image

Shampoo

Buy it. Now.

Promo Image

Scientist Discovers Square Root of Green

Turns out that it's a slightly pallid shade of yellow.

Promo Image

Cut Price Chips

You like chips. You like lots of chips.

 

Extreme DinosaursTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...