Geoffrey Clanger: No Parking

A renaming committee has decided that henceforth Mr Geoffrey Clanger of Dunstable will be known as 'Coronation Avenue' in honour of Her Majesty the Queen.

However, concerns have been raised, not just because this is a somewhat belated reference to the monarch's accession to the throne, but also because Mr Clanger is not a street - he is in fact a 42-year-old window cleaner who has recently moved to the area from Poole.

Increase in traffic

The new name has led to a number of problems, not least the sudden increase in traffic up his spine and several cars being parked in his armpits overnight.

Mr Clanger sent a strongly worded complaint to the council and, although he is not entirely satisfied with their response, he is a least grateful that they have introduced parking restrictions.

From now on anyone leaving a vehicle unattended in the nape of his neck will be clamped and contractors are coming to paint yellow lines up his back on Tuesday.