The Obvious Guide to Standard British Nuns

Standard Black & White

Plain nun. Liquorice flavour.

Grey

The SAS of the nun world: specially trained sisters operating in the shadowy world of ecclesiastical counter espionage. If ever you need to take out a bishop, or put the squeeze on an archdeacon, these are the girls for the job.

Sub-Aqua Nun

Powered by cornflakes and rum, the specially adapted sub-aqua nun can remain submerged for anything up to eighteen hours at a time, thanks to the addition of floatation tanks and a blowhole.

The Mark IV Remotely Operated Hovernun

Can be deployed at a moment's notice to penetrate areas that ordinary nuns cannot reach. Generally employed for long distance missionary work and tactical conversions.

Stealth Nun

Goes without saying, really.

Green Nun

Emergency nuns for use in times of national emergency. They were originally employed during the war, but are now sadly ill equipped compared to today's modern pneumatic nuns. Many of them have faulty knees and are weak in the head.

WARNING:

In these days we increasingly run the risk of coming into contact with shoddy and dangerous counterfeit nuns. Remember, only nuns that have been produced by an officially recognised religious denomination can be considered safe and reliable. So, be on your guard. Check for signs of tampering or hasty workmanship. If possible, try to get hold of the original registration documents. And remember, all Catholics produced after December 1996 now carry the Pope's official seal of approval.