French Polishers

The arrest last week of French polisher, Mr Simon C. Horn, for interfering with a client's coffee table is just the latest in a series of high profile scandals that have rocked the industry.

Said Mr Horn, "I don't know what came over me, I just couldn't help myself. There was something about the heady aroma of the polish and the dusty atmosphere of the shop that I found simply intoxicating. The sight of Mrs Waverley's table just sitting there, waiting for me... the lustrous sheen of the veneer, the shapely curve of its legs... I just had to have it!"

Precautions

A police spokesman assured the public that whilst this was just an isolated incident, they would be wise to take precautions when trusting their furniture to the care of strangers.

"There's a lot of sick bastards out there," he said. "So try not to let your wardrobe go out unattended, and, if possible, ensure your sideboard is back indoors before 10pm."

He latter added, strictly off the record, that he thought Mrs Waverley's coffee table was probably asking for it.

 

Table

 

Return to Archive 2

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2020 The UBO Annual 2018 The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

InstagramFacebookTwitter
Promo Image

Fengami

The art of folding furniture

Promo Image

Toaster Suicide

Death by appliance.

Promo Image

Munchy Burger

Application Form Part B

Promo Image

Space Things

The origins of a classic Sci-fi franchise

Promo Image

The Moroccan Dancing Mole

David Attenburger's Wonderful World of Nature.

Promo Image

Core Competencies in Office Furniture

Are you qualified to sit on a chair?

 

Teaching Carrots to FlyTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

The Bleeding Obvious Prime Time Gameshow Generator

Latest blog entries...

02 June 2020: Refuse and Recycling Guide

06 May 2020: Stupid Stories

10 April 2020: Sid James in Smokey and the Bandit