The island's thriving rural economy already boasts eight sheep, two cows and a field of turnips. The Ministry of Agriculture has recently announced a massive new investment programme and hopes to take delivery of three spring onions and pig by the end of next year.

Officials from the fledgling island state of Monte Frappino are disappointed that their application for nation status has been turned down by the United Nations. To be officially recognised as a sovereign state a prospective country must satisfy three conditions.

Firstly, they must have a patron saint. Monte Frappino has adopted Saint Doris of Montmartre who was canonised in 1968 after jumping a motorbike over thirty burning nuns.

Monte Frappino has two buses - this is one of them. Because there is only one bus stop, passengers are forced to complete a circuit of the island before returning to their starting point. There are usually very few passengers.

Secondly, they need a national anthem. Monte Frappino has negotiated the rights to 'Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On', primarily because it was felt that the lyrics accurately represented the national character.

Monte Frappino's seat of government since 1972, when Hurricane Colin destroyed the bandstand

But it has been the third requirement that has, so far, proven to be an insurmountable obstacle. The country's official delegation has been told that their proposed flag - an infra-red cross on an ultra-violet background - has been rejected for no better reason than it transgresses some ridiculous and archaic rule that a nation's state flag needs to be 'visible'.

Taken from The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

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