Training Bacon Sandwiches for Fun and Profit

Apprentice tool-setter Marcus Toll is the first person to successfully train a bacon sandwich.

Whilst many sandwiches can be trained to perform rudimentary tasks, such as jumping through hoops or rolling over and playing dead, bacon sandwiches are notoriously obstinate and refuse to respond to traditional training methods.

Nevertheless, Mr Toll persevered for many years and eventually managed to persuade his sandwich to co-operate using a combination of basic hypnotic suggestion and sodium pentathol. He now claims it is capable of operating a telephone switchboard and hopes to secure it a job at a circus - as a receptionist.

If he is successful, it will be the first time anyone has ever successfully domesticated a bacon sandwich, although for a while it was popularly believed that Alexander the Great had a bacon sandwich that could handle basic carpentry. Historians now believe it was most likely ham, or some sort of pressed meat substitute.

 

Bacon sandwich

 

Return to Archive 2

The Annual 2018

FREE!

The University of the Bleeding Obvious Annual 2018

Download PDF Version

Read online

Books and Free Downloads

The UBO Annual 2017 The UBO Annual 2016 The UBO Annual 2015 The History of Rock The Bongo Lectures Kicking and Screaming Dead Peasants Recalled to Life UBO Volume 1 UBO Volume 2 Death Doom and Disaster Goldilocks and the Free Bears Find out more...


 

 

Promo Image

Medieval Castles

Mr Chokice has noted that the main entrance is only protected by a turnstile.

Promo Image

The Battersea Wigs Home

That's no life for a healthy young wig.

Promo Image

The Domesday Clipboard

The clipboard used to compile the Domesday Book.

Promo Image

Out now from Obvious Books

Books what we made up

Promo Image

Galactic Phrasebook

Become fluent in Venusian!

Promo Image

Oven Chimps

Tasty and nutritious!

 

Standard British NunsTeaching Carrots to FlyStandard British NunsExtreme Dinosaurs

 

Latest blog entries...

22 December 2017: How to Look After Your Cement Mixer

21 December 2017: Evening Classes at The University of the Bleeding Obvious

20 December 2017: A Ding-Dong over Duvets