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AnimalsFebruary 2006"Are we presently seeing the emergence of new classification of human being that is better adapted to eating chips...?" SandalsFebruary 2006"There has been much controversy following the announcement made by His Holiness the Pope prohibiting the wearing of sandals..." BirdsDecember 2000"If we don't act quickly this country could soon be brought to its knees by an unstoppable ornithological onslaught..." 
New Horizons in Business ManagementFebruary 2006"Every member of our customer-facing retail contingent is passionate about bathroom fittings..." Christopher Columbus DiscoveriesMarch 2003"Still haven't found what you're looking for...?" ButterflySeptember 2002"Professor Jim Spanners of the Pennsylvania Institute for Making Stuff Up believes that butterflies are directly responsible for most of the world's major problems..." 
The Thoroughfare of SuccessNovember 2002Motivational keynote speaker Dick Smidgin takes time out from his busy schedule to provide us with a unique insight into his philosophy and methods. Motorcycle Display TeamsFebruary 2003"The finest example of skill, precision and discipline to which the human race can aspire? Or just a bunch of blokes, with nothing better to do, twatting about on bikes?" 
Rob Hammond's Guide to BuddhismJuly 2003"Hello, I'm Rob Hammond, and as a veteran of the Territorial Army, I've been specially trained to kill using nothing more than a raised elbow..." 
A Brief Word from Detective Inspector Barker Harris of the Metropolitan Police ForceSeptember 2003"Being a brief word from Detective Inspector Barker Harris of the Metropolitan Police Force..." The Sandwich AdvisorJune 2005"It's a well known fact that buying your lunchtime sandwich is the third most stressful thing you can do, after moving house and sleeping with your boss. Especially if you do all three on the same day..." ArtMarch 2003"One of the more controversial artists of recent years is Guy Parker, the latest enfant terrible to disrupt the art scene..." |
Kicking Up a New StinkFebruary 2001"In the face of much scepticism and derision, Quentin Tote has discovered a new smell..." 
Fats Porker - Blues WhingerAugust 2002"It is with great sorrow that we report the sad loss of Fats Porker, the reasonably famous blues whinger..." 
The First Annual Bleeding Obvious Award for the Achievement of Outstanding Celebrity Without Really Doing Very MuchFebruary 2003"Who could be more worthy of our admiration than those who have achieved fame, fortune and notoriety without having to perfect their art, struggle for recognition or develop any kind of talent?" Shave the Moon!August 2003"I believe the nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the moon, shaving it, and returning him safely to Earth..." 
Invitation to a Monk's Tea PartyApril 2004"On the Tuesday before last I was fortunate enough to attend the famous 'Monks' Tea Party' in the grounds of the magnificent Rumpleford Abbey..." 
Optimum Leaning LevelsMarch 2005"It's not easy to look hip and cool and trendy and windswept, but it is possible. It's a question of angles..." 
Noblock and KerfanderbuckApril 2004"Noblock and Kerfanderbuck, 
Jazz BombMay 2005"What he really needed was some sort of high energy musical accelerator with which to bombard raw music. All he actually had was a trumpet, and even that was slightly bent..." 
Caught by the FuzzMay 2004"Thwack! All the lights go out and it's goodnight Vienna. Next thing you know, you're sitting in a police car by the side of the M5, eating chips out of a bag and listening to the football on the radio..." |
TimePreviously UnpublishedExtract from an unfinished article, circa 2004 Traditional WisdomPreviously UnpublishedAlternative Version Operation Mutton (Long Version)Previously Available in PrintNow with more and even deadlier sheep Dirty BookshopPreviously UnpublishedAlternative Sketch Version of Dirty Book Club 
The 4th International Child Slapping ChampionshipsNovember 2001"Personally we believe that there is nothing finer than the sight of a grown man thumping the living daylights out a small, defenceless child..." 
FatquakeJanuary 2004"Shock news reached us yesterday when we heard that Mr Buddy Vats, the world's fattest man, suffered a fatal earthquake in the early hours of the morning..." 
10 Things You Never Knew About FrogsAugust 2004"The biggest frog in the world is called Keith Baxter and he lives under a slab in Somerset..." 
Rod & Enya's Rock 'n' Roll MysteriesJanuary 2004"Dear The University of the Bleeding Obvious, I have a brilliant new idea for a story that you should do..." 
Teaching Carrots to FlyAugust 2005"Ask anyone in the street how they feel about carrots and you're bound to get any number of different answers, from a phlegmatic shrug of the shoulders to a more than emphatic belt in the mouth..." 
DiagnosisJune 2005"We're delighted to welcome Professor Kendrick Wimple to the studio, one of the world's foremost experts on Tourette's Syndrome..." Quickfire QuestionsJuly 2005"It's time once again for that part of the show that we call Quickfire Questions..." 
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